Who is the better parent, a convicted killer or a lesbian? In 1996, Mary Ward found out the answer when she lost custody of her daughter Cassey to her ex-husband, John Ward, because she was a lesbian. Cassey, 12, had lived with her mother all of her life. In his decision, the judge explained that he granted custody to the father because he believed Cassey “should be given the opportunity to live in a nonlesbian world.” And that Cassey should have the “full opportunity to know that she can [l]ive another lifestyle if she wants and not be led into this lifestyle just by virtue of the fact of her living accommodations.” John Ward's fourth marriage of two years was cited as evidence of stability. Never mind that John Ward had served eight years in prison for a second-degree murder conviction for shooting and killing his first wife. Mary Ward died of a heart attack in 1997 before she could appeal the decision.

This chapter explores the belief that lesbians and gay men are somehow conspicuous and provocative about sex and sexuality in ways that heterosexuals are not.