Chapter 3 looked at how you might talk to your child about drugs before they come into contact with them. But what if you think your child is actually using drugs?

How parents react to finding out their child is using drugs depends on the situation. There is a big difference between a child who experiments once or twice with cannabis before deciding it is not for them and a child who uses cocaine heavily, leading to major health problems. What is the best approach to take? Should you gently engage or directly confront them?

There is very little research in this area to draw on. Situations and families are so different that there is no guaranteed ‘best’ approach. The following suggestions are based on what has worked for the families I've encountered over my years in clinical practice.

What is normal adolescent behaviour?

Adolescence is a time of huge physical and psychological change. Many of these changes can confuse and worry parents. In most cases, the things parents see are completely normal parts of the process of growing up. However, a complication is that many of the normal signs of adolescence can mimic the signs of harmful drug use. Telling the difference can be virtually impossible without further information. Table 7.1 shows some of the overlap between the changes typical for puberty and the signs of drug use.

Given this overlap, how can you tell what's normal and what isn't? If your previously delightful and obedient child turns into a moody, irritable and withdrawn adolescent, should you assume it's because of hormones, or should you wonder whether they are using drugs?

How to tell whether your child is using drugs

Most parents assume their children don't use drugs, and most children don't. However, UK statistics from 2013–2014 suggest that about a third of people between 16 and 24 years of age have taken an illicit drug at some point, equivalent to around 2.2 million young adults (Home Office, 2014).

If your child uses a drug once or twice at a party and then stops, you will probably never know, unless they decide to tell you or experience a bad reaction. If, on the other hand, your child starts to use regularly, you will probably start to notice changes in the way they look and behave.