People enact meaningful personal relationships using communication technologies. The current chapter overviews how technology and personal relationships are intertwined. The perspective of the chapter is centered on how people relate via technologies while recognizing the importance of understanding the technologies themselves and how they are used. The chapter has three main sections. The first examines how communication technologies are integral to relational communication across the course of relationships, and the second considers factors that shape the nature and impact of relational communication occurring via technologies. The third section focuses on both relationships and technologies by considering the contemporary notion of mixed-media relationships, which are enacted via multiple channels, often simultaneously. Finally, the conclusion of the chapter elucidates some key complexities and their implications for future research and theory, including the need to consider both technologies and messages simultaneously and the challenges of analyzing multimodal communication in relationships.

This chapter examines how computers and smartphones are used with (or instead of) face-to-face (F2F) interactions for relationship maintenance. After explicating two different definitions of the phrase “relationship maintenance,” we summarize research on the role of particular communication technologies in relationship maintenance. We argue that much contemporary relationship maintenance in romantic relationships occurs in mixed-media relationships, which occur when the “parties conduct in whole or in part through the use of multiple media, including F2F” (Parks). The primary focus of this chapter is on the maintenance of romantic relationships, yet we also review research on other types of relationships when the processes examined seem applicable to close relationships more broadly. We conclude with several important points for future research on relational maintenance and communication technologies, including recognizing that (a) even though technologies can help people maintain their relationships, they also can create burdens and problems; (b) the way people use technologies influences the effects of those technologies in relationships; (c) there is a need for more research on the specific behaviors using technologies in romantic relationships; and (d) even with the rise of communication technologies, face-to-face maintenance behaviors remain important.

According to Vangelisti (2007), “whenever two people communicate, they risk hurting each other” (p. 121). Such risk is elevated when the communication involves conflict. Interactions involving conflicts tend to be more arousing and to elicit more negative emotions than do other conversations (Levenson & Gottman, 1985). The heightened affective intensity associated with conflict provides abundant occasions for hurt feelings. Indeed, the apparent connection between conflict and hurt is strong enough that some scholars treat being hurt as synonomous with interpersonal conflict (e.g., Wainryb, Brehl, & Matwin, 2005). Other scholars simply assume that conflict is inherently hurtful; for instance, one study examining the “most frequently used strategies of relational conflict resolution” was titled “You always hurt the one you love…” (Fitzpatrick & Winke, 1979, p. 3).

Despite the belief that conflict and hurt are closely related, there is surprisingly little research that systematically examines their association. This lack of focus on hurt and conflict is remarkable given that other emotions, like anger, are frequently linked to conflict (e.g., Notarius, Lashley, & Sullivan, 1997). Clearly, addressing this gap in the literature could be useful, potentially answering questions such as “How can individuals make their conflicts less hurtful?” and “Can (and should) people prevent hurt feelings from leading to interpersonal conflicts?” A single chapter can only begin to address such questions, but our goals are (a) to adumbrate the research that does exist on conflict and hurt and (b) to provide an initial framework for thinking about how the hurtful aspects of conflict can be reduced.