Grandparents and parental divorce

Research suggests that good quality contact between children in divorced families and their non-resident parent and grandparents is beneficial to their long-term adjustment (see Dunn and Deater-Deckard, 2001). There is a general conclusion that children’s continuing contact with both parents is likely to be helpful in enabling them to avoid adverse reactions to their parents’ divorce (Rodgers and Pryor, 1998). Marriage breakdown, however, can have negative effects on relationships between grandparents and grandchildren, and grandparents on the father’s side of the family may see their grandchildren less frequently or, in some circumstances, lose touch with them entirely.

In their study of 86 members of the Grandparents’ Federation in Britain, Drew and Smith (1999) asked whether grandparents, whose contact with their grandchildren had been lost as a result of divorce, were ‘innocent victims’ or ‘agents in cross-generational family dysfunction’. Their study hypothesised that grandparents who had been deprived of contact with their grandchildren also had disturbed relationships with other family members. This might suggest, for example, that their difficulties with their sons and daughters-in-law were simply a symptom of wider personality and communication problems that made it difficult for them to form satisfactory relationships with others. The authors were unable to say whether grandparents were victims of divorce or “agents of their own misfortune” (Drew and Smith, 1999, p 210), but added that the general tenor of their findings pointed to them being “victims”. However, grandparents who join a grandparent organisation are a special group in the sense that they are likely to have experienced conflict and to regard grandparenting as an important aspect of their lives. Our study, in contrast, investigated grandparenting that took place on a broad range of family circumstances and did not have a particular focus on families in conflict. Nevertheless, it did explore the feelings of a small number of grandparents who were deprived of contact and we comment (see Chapter Eleven) on their strategies for coping with the problem.

Cherlin and Furstenberg (1992), borrowing a phrase from Troll (1983), describe grandparents as the ‘family watchdogs’. These authors explain that the extended family comes into its own at times of crisis and not at times of ‘health and prosperity’.