Dear Abbe,
I was having a problem with my CM12 TEM, in that when I quickly lifted the viewing screen it would shut down the microscope. Later we noticed that a small spark would jump from the plate to the metal housing of the vacuum chamber. With the help of a reputable company, we solved the problem. There is a battery-powered circuit connected to the view screen. One of the batteries was dead, and, once replaced, the problem disappeared. I just got an e-mail from someone who wants to publish a book based on my screen lifter problem. They claim they will pay all the publishing costs! I see it now: the hero is a hardworking electron named Icey Electron called on a hero's journey in which he picks up a ragtag band of friends and companions to battle the evil villain Electro-Arc. My problem is how much to negotiate for royalty rights, advance money, etc.
Frank in Akron
Dear Famous Frank,
You have come to the right man for advice! I have been famous for quite some time (mostly in my own mind). I have also had various offers and contractual wranglings for my life story, although there are some plagiarism concerns. But let's not dwell on my issues. It starts with a book, which then gets picked up by Quentin TaraNeutrino for movie adaptation. I can see it now—John Travoltage as the evil villain Electro-Arc who becomes the arc-nemesis of Icey Electron (played by Robert Downey Wehnelt). I can see myself in the role of Icey's mentor, Photon, an incredibly intelligent and amazingly handsome wizard. I may have to write this myself! I did mention I have plagiarism issues …
If at first you don't succeed, contact Herr Professor Abbe through his relatively competent assistant at johnshields59@gmail.comand have someone else to blame!
