Skip to main content Accessibility help

We use cookies to distinguish you from other users and to provide you with a better experience on our websites. Close this message to accept cookies or find out how to manage your cookie settings.

Close cookie message
×
Hostname: page-component-848d4c4894-5nwft Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2024-05-14T20:32:45.159Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

17 - Relationship Maintenance across the Life Course

from Part IV - The Social Context of Relationship Maintenance

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  02 December 2019

By
Amy Rauer  and
Christine Proulx
Edited by
Brian G. Ogolsky  and
J. Kale Monk
Brian G. Ogolsky
Affiliation:
University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign
J. Kale Monk
Affiliation:
University of Missouri
Get access

Summary

By its very definition, relationship maintenance implies development within intimate relationships. Whether couples are engaging in activities that keep relationships in good repair or even just in existence, the underlying assumption is clear – the natural state of relationships, if left unattended to, is to deteriorate. Once a relationship starts, therefore, romantic partners must engage in a broad array of maintenance strategies to preserve their relationships, though the form and function of these strategies are likely to change as the partners develop across the life course. Despite the clearly developmental concept of relationship maintenance, scholars have argued that the approach to its study has remained relatively static and disproportionately focused on younger, less established couples. The goal of our chapter is to utilize life course theory to consider the extent to which relationship maintenance strategies vary according to the developmental stage of both the relationship and the individuals within it, as well as to explore whether the antecedents and consequences of relationship maintenance may change across the life course. Our review underscores the need for more developmentally oriented research, which could not only advance theory on what relationship maintenance entails but also elucidate why, when, and how partners engage in it.

Keywords

relationship maintenanceromantic relationshipslifespanlife course theoryyoung adulthoodmiddle adulthoodolder adulthoodmarital duration
Type
Chapter
Information
Relationship Maintenance
Theory, Process, and Context
 , pp. 323 - 338
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2019

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

References

Badr, H., & Taylor, C. L. C. (2008). Effects of relationship maintenance on psychological distress and dyadic adjustment among couples coping with lung cancer. Health Psychology, 27(5), 616–627.Google Scholar
Baltes, P. B. (1997). On the incomplete architecture of human ontogeny: Selection, optimization, and compensation as foundation of development theory. American Psychologist, 52, 366–380.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Berscheid, E. (1999). The greening of relationship science. American Psychologist, 54, 260–266.Google Scholar
Birditt, K. S., & Fingerman, K. L. (2005). Do we get better at picking our battles?: Age group differences in descriptions of behavioral reactions to interpersonal tensions. The Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 60, 121–128.Google Scholar
Braiker, H. B., & Kelley, H. H. (1979). Conflict in the development of close relationships. In Burgess, L. & Huston, T. L. (Eds.), Social exchange in developing relationships (pp. 135–168). New York: Academic Press.Google Scholar
Butler, R. N. (2002). Age, death, and life review. In Doka, K. J. (Ed.), Living with grief: Loss in later life (pp. 3–11). Washington, DC: Hospice Foundation of America.Google Scholar
Canary, D. J., & Stafford, L. (1992). Relational maintenance strategies and equity in marriage. Communication Monographs, 59(3), 243–267.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Carstensen, L. L. (1992). Social and emotional patterns in adulthood: Social support for socioemotional selectivity theory. Psychology and Aging, 7, 331–338.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Carstensen, L. L., Fung, H. H., & Charles, S. T. (2003). Socioemotional selectivity theory and the regulation of emotion in the second half of life. Motivation and Emotion, 27(2), 103–123.Google Scholar
Cherlin, A. J. (2009). The marriage-go-round: The state of marriage and the family in America today. New York, NY: Alfred A. Knopf.Google Scholar
Connidis, I. A., Borell, K., & Karlsson, S. G. (2017). Ambivalence and Living Apart Together in later life: A critical research proposal. Journal of Marriage and Family, 79(5), 1404–1418.Google Scholar
Cooney, T. M., Proulx, C. M., & Snyder-Rivas, L. A. (2016). A profile of later life marriages: Comparisons by gender and marriage order. In Gianesini, G. & Blair, L. (Eds.), Divorce, separation, and remarriage: The transformation of family (Contemporary Perspectives in Family Research, Volume 10) (pp. 1–37). London: Emerald Group Publishing Limited.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Coontz, S. (2005). Marriage, a history: From obedience to intimacy or how love conquered marriage. New York, NY: Viking.Google Scholar
Dainton, M. (2000). Maintenance behaviors, expectations for maintenance, and satisfaction: Linking comparison levels to relational maintenance strategies. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17(6), 827–842.Google Scholar
Dainton, M. (2008). The use of relationship maintenance behaviors as a mechanism to explain the decline in marital satisfaction among parents. Communication Reports, 21(1), 33–45.Google Scholar
Dainton, M. (2013). Relationship maintenance on Facebook: Development of a measure, relationship to general maintenance, and relationship satisfaction. College Student Journal, 47(1), 113–121.Google Scholar
Dainton, M., & Aylor, B. (2002). Routine and strategic maintenance efforts: Behavioral patterns, variations associated with relational length, and the prediction of relational characteristics. Communication Monographs, 69(1), 52–66.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Dainton, M., & Stafford, L. (1993). Routine maintenance behaviors: A comparison of relationship type, partner similarity and sex differences. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10(2), 255–271.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Diehl, M., Owen, S., & Youngblade, L. (2004). Agency and communion attributes in adults’ spontaneous self-representations. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 28(1), 1–15.Google Scholar
Dindia, K. (2000). Relational maintenance. In Hendrick, C. & Hendrick, S. S. (Eds.), Close relationships: A sourcebook (pp. 287–299). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.Google Scholar
Dindia, K. (2003). Relationship maintenance communication. In Canary, D. J. & Dainton, M. (Eds.), Maintaining relationships through communication: Relational, contextual, and cultural variations (pp. 1–28). New York, NY: Psychology Press.Google Scholar
Dindia, K., & Baxter, L. A. (1987). Strategies for maintaining and repairing marital relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 4(2), 143–158.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Elder, G. H. (1998). The life course as developmental theory. Child Development, 69, 1–12.Google Scholar
Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis. New York, NY: Norton.Google Scholar
Ermer, A., & Proulx, C.M. (2017, November). Well-being among older adult couples: The role of social networks and neighbors. Paper presented at the annual meeting of the National Council of Family Relations, Orlando, FL.Google Scholar
Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. (2010). Of memes and marriage: Toward a positive relationship science. Journal of Family Theory and Review, 2, 4–24.Google Scholar
Fingerman, K. L., Cheng, Y., Tighe, L. A., Birditt, K. S., & Zarit, S. H. (2012). Relationships between young adults and their parents. In Booth, A., Brown, S. L., Landale, N., Manning, W., & McHale, S. M. (Eds.), Early adulthood in a family context (pp. 59–85). New York, NY: Springer.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Finkel, E. J. (2017). The all-or-nothing marriage: How the best marriages work. New York, NY: Dutton.Google Scholar
Finkel, E. J., Hui, C. M., Carswell, K. L., & Larson, G. M. (2014). The suffocation of marriage: Climbing Mount Maslow without enough oxygen. Psychological Inquiry, 25, 1–41.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Goldberg, A. E., Smith, J. Z., & Kashy, D. A. (2010). Preadoptive factors predicting lesbian, gay, and heterosexual couples’ relationship quality across the transition to adoptive parenthood. Journal of Family Psychology, 24(3), 221–232.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Guerrero, L. K., Eloy, S. V., & Wabnik, A. I. (1993). Linking maintenance strategies to relationship development and disengagement: A reconceptualization. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10(2), 273–283.Google Scholar
Haas, S. M., & Stafford, L. (1998). An initial examination of maintenance behaviors in gay and lesbian relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15(6), 846–855. doi:10.1177/0265407598156008Google Scholar
Haas, S. M., & Stafford, L. (2005). Maintenance behaviors in same-sex and marital relationships: A matched sample comparison. The Journal of Family Communication, 5(1), 43–60. doi:10.1207/s15327698jfc0501_3Google Scholar
Hodes, R. J., & Suzman, R. (2007). Growing older in America: The Health and Retirement Study. Bethesda, MD: US Department of Health and Human Services.Google Scholar
Hoppmann, C. A., & Blanchard-Fields, F. (2011). Problem-solving variability in older spouses: How is it linked to problem-, person-, and couple-characteristics? Psychology and Aging, 26, 525–531.Google Scholar
Ingersoll-Dayton, B., Spencer, B., Campbell, R., Kurokowa, Y., & Ito, M. (2014). Creating a duet: The couples life story approach in the United States and Japan. Dementia, 15, 481–493. doi:10.1177/1471301214526726Google Scholar
Jager, J., Putnick, D. L., & Bornstein, M. H. (2017). More than just convenient: The scientific merits of homogeneous convenience samples. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 82(2), 13–30.Google Scholar
Jamison, T., & Proulx, C. M. (2013). Stayovers in emerging adulthood: Who stays over and why? Personal Relationships, 20, 155–169.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Jensen, J., & Rauer, A. (2015). Marriage work in older couples: Disclosure of marital problems to spouses and friends over time. Journal of Family Psychology, 29, 732–743.Google Scholar
Jensen, J., & Rauer, A. (2016). Young adults’ relationship work over time: The impact of disclosing romantic problems to partners and friends. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33, 687–708.Google Scholar
Jensen, J., Rauer, A., Rodriquez, Y., & Brimhall, A. (2018). Whom should I talk to? Emerging adults’ romantic relationship work. Journal of Social, Behavioral, and Health Sciences, 12, 17–39.Google Scholar
Korporaal, M., Broese van Groenou, M. I., & Tilburg, T. G. V. (2013). Health problems and marital satisfaction among older couples. Journal of Aging and Health, 25, 1279–1298.Google Scholar
Kuperberg, A. (2014). Age at coresidence, premarital cohabitation, and marriage dissolution: 1985–2009. Journal of Marriage and Family, 76, 352–369.Google Scholar
Lee, J. Y., & Montelongo, R. (2016). Caregiving and care-receiving in transition to older adulthood: Integrating an attachment theory perspective. Journal of Religion, Spirituality & Aging, 28(3), 200–218.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Levinson, D. J. (1986). A conception of adult development. American Psychologist, 41, 3–13.Google Scholar
McCoy, A., Rauer, A., & Sabey, A. (2017). The meta marriage: Links between older couples’ relationship narratives and marital satisfaction. Family Process, 56, 900–914.Google Scholar
McNulty, J. K., O’Mara, E. M., & Karney, B. R. (2008). Benevolent cognitions as a strategy of relationship maintenance: “Don’t sweat the small stuff” …. but it is not all small stuff. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(4), 631–646.Google Scholar
Merolla, A. J. (2010). Relational maintenance and non-co-presence reconsidered: Conceptualizing geographic separation in close relationships. Communication Theory, 20, 169–193.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Montgomery, B. M. (1993). Relationship maintenance versus relationship change: A dialectical dilemma. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10(2), 205–223.Google Scholar
Neff, L. A., & Karney, B. R. (2005). To know you is to love you: The implications of global adoration and specific accuracy for marital relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88(3), 480–497.Google Scholar
Ogolsky, B. G. (2009). Deconstructing the association between relationship maintenance and commitment: Testing two competing models. Personal Relationships, 16(1), 99–115.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Ogolsky, B. G., & Bowers, J. R. (2013). A meta-analytic review of relationship maintenance and its correlates. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(3), 343–367. doi:10.1177/0265407512463338CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Ogolsky, B. G., Monk, J. K., Rice, T. M., Theisen, J. C., & Maniotes, C. R. (2017). Relationship maintenance: A review of research on romantic relationships. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 9(3), 275–306.Google Scholar
Ogolsky, B. G., Surra, C. A., & Monk, J. K. (2016). Pathways of commitment to wed: The development and dissolution of romantic relationships. Journal of Marriage and Family, 78, 293–310.Google Scholar
Parke, R. D. (1998). A developmentalist’s perspective on marital change. In Bradbury, T. N. (Ed.), The developmental course of marital dysfunction (pp. 393–409). New York, NY: Cambridge University Press.Google Scholar
Pietromonaco, P. R., & Perry-Jenkins, M. (2014). Marriage in whose America? What the suffocation model misses. Psychological Inquiry, 25, 108–113.Google Scholar
Ragsdale, J. D., & Brandau-Brown, F. E. (2005). Individual differences in the use of relational maintenance strategies in marriage. Journal of Family Communication, 5(1), 61–75. doi:10.1207/s15327698jfc0501_4Google Scholar
Rauer, A., Pettit, G., Lansford, J., Bates, J., & Dodge, K. (2013). Romantic relationship patterns in young adulthood and their developmental antecedents. Developmental Psychology, 49, 2159–2171.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Rauer, A. J., Sabey, A., & Jensen, J. F. (2014). Growing old together: Compassionate love and health in older adulthood. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 31(5), 677–696.Google Scholar
Rauer, A., Williams, L., & Jensen, J. (2017). Finer distinctions: Variability in satisfied older couples’ problem-solving behaviors. Family Process, 56, 501–517.Google Scholar
Roberts, S. G., & Dunbar, R. I. (2011). The costs of family and friends: An 18-month longitudinal study of relationship maintenance and decay. Evolution and Human Behavior, 32(3), 186–197.Google Scholar
Stafford, L. (2010). Measuring relationship maintenance behaviors: Critique and development of The Revised Relationship Maintenance Behavior Scale. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 28(2), 278–303.Google Scholar
Stafford, L., & Canary, D. J. (1991). Maintenance strategies and romantic relationship type, gender and relational characteristics. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 8(2), 217–242.Google Scholar
Stafford, L., Dainton, M., & Haas, S. (2000). Measuring routine and strategic relational maintenance: Scale revision, sex versus gender roles, and the prediction of relational characteristics. Communication Monographs, 63(3), 306–323.Google Scholar
VanLaningham, J., Johnson, D. R., & Amato, P. (2001). Marital happiness, marital duration, and the U-shaped curve: Evidence from a five-wave panel study. Social Forces, 79(4), 1313–1341.Google Scholar
Walker, R. B., & Luszcz, M. A. (2009). The health and relationship dynamics of late-life couples: A systematic review of the literature. Ageing & Society, 29(3), 455–480.Google Scholar
Weigel, D. J., & Ballard‐Reisch, D. S. (1999a). The influence of marital duration on the use of relationship maintenance behaviors. Communication Reports, 12(2), 59–70.Google Scholar
Weigel, D. J., & Ballard-Reisch, D. S. (1999b). How couples maintain marriages: A closer look at self and spouse influences upon the use of maintenance behaviors in marriages. Family Relations, 48(3), 263–269.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Yorgason, J. B., Piercy, F. P., & Piercy, S. K. (2007). Acquired hearing impairment in older couple relationships: An exploration of couple resilience processes. Journal of Aging Studies, 21(3), 215–228.Google Scholar

Save book to Kindle

To save this book to your Kindle, first ensure coreplatform@cambridge.org is added to your Approved Personal Document E-mail List under your Personal Document Settings on the Manage Your Content and Devices page of your Amazon account. Then enter the ‘name’ part of your Kindle email address below. Find out more about saving to your Kindle.

Note you can select to save to either the @free.kindle.com or @kindle.com variations. ‘@free.kindle.com’ emails are free but can only be saved to your device when it is connected to wi-fi. ‘@kindle.com’ emails can be delivered even when you are not connected to wi-fi, but note that service fees apply.

Find out more about the Kindle Personal Document Service.

Available formats
×

Save book to Dropbox

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Dropbox.

Available formats
×

Save book to Google Drive

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Google Drive.

Available formats
×