The nature of marriage

Marriage in Britain today is a fascinating but bewildering subject. This is partly because so much of a marriage relationship takes place in private, because its character varies from couple to couple, because it is extremely complex, and because it has been subjected to a great deal of change in recent years. These four themes require some expansion.

Whether or not a marriage is a legally constituted one, there is usually public recognition of its existence: the couple's relatives, friends and acquaintances know that they are married or living together. But beyond this fact it is probable that most people will know little about the relationship between the two people involved, for example what they talk about when they are together, even whether they talk at all, what their sexual relationship is like, what if anything they disagree about and how violently, how if at all they share tasks around the house and in the care of children, who takes what sort of decisions, who gives in to whom, and what interests if any they share. Their habits will usually only explode into public view when something abnormal occurs (such as severe marital discord) and outsiders gain information about them through the couple's need to talk or to seek advice or help.