The theme of this chapter is whether people perceive themselves as having been able to achieve within marriage either desired change or desired lack of change in themselves or in what they do; or whether they think they have changed in undesired ways, or failed to change in the desired ones. This theme arises from the hypothesis that the sense of stability will best be enhanced either by lack of change or by change only in ways which strengthen the bonds between the partners or the commitment each is seen to have to the other, whereas the sense of identity is likely to be best served when people feel able to change (themselves or their experiences) in whatever ways make them feel personally more fulfilled.

This chapter therefore examines what people said about how (if at all) they had changed during the time they had been married, and how (if at all) the things they did had changed; what they said they felt about change or lack of change is also examined. The data were gathered partly in response to specific questions on this subject: ‘Do you think you have changed at all since you have been married / during the time you have been married?’, ‘Was there any change in you /your way of life after you married?’, ‘Are there any things you'd like to be able to do which you feel you can't do?’, and so on.