Introduction

Our interviews sought to discover what happens when grandparents and grandchildren spend time together. Our focus in this chapter is on grandchildren who have regular face-to-face contact with grandparents and the importance they and their grandparents attach to the grandparent–grandchild relationship.

The grandparents’ perceptions

Grandparents who saw their grandchildren regularly reported that they went shopping, shared meals, accompanied grandchildren on family outings, went for walks and talked to them about school and their other activities. There were few differences between maternal and paternal grandparents in the activities they shared with their grandchildren; however, seven in ten maternal grandparents (but no paternal grandparents) reported that they helped grandchildren with schoolwork. Two thirds of the maternal grandparents, but only one third of the paternal grandparents felt that they ever talked seriously to their grandchildren. It may be that helping grandchildren with learning or engaging them in serious conversation (particularly about family matters or other sensitive issues) was ill-suited to the role that some grandparents played. Paternal grandparents were less likely than maternal grandparents to enjoy the sustained contact that made these activities possible. They may also have wanted to avoid the accusation of interference in their grandchild’s upbringing and preferred, therefore, to retain a light-hearted tone while their grandchildren were with them.

Half of the maternal grandparent group stated that they were involved in teaching or encouraging their grandchildren in hobbies, games and sports. Grandfathers reported that they were involved in outdoor sports, computing, country walks and active pursuits with their grandchildren, but grandmothers frequently restricted themselves to ‘traditionally female’ activities in the home. Although the paternal grandparents interviewed said that they did not help children with schoolwork, they were just as likely to report that they encouraged their grandchildren’s leisure activities.

The focus of grandparents’ attention

The evidence suggests that grandchildren, on their regular visits to their grandparents, were usually expected to amuse themselves by watching television or playing in the vicinity of their grandparents’ home while their grandparents talked to their adult child. As a result, it was quite common for children to have reservations about their visits to their grandparents. When Wendy (aged 12) was asked, “Does grandma talk to you a lot when you go there?”, she replied, “She’s always busy. She never sits down”.