This blog accompanies the BJPsych Open Biomarkers of Dissociation theme and has been written by the theme image artist, Esther Veerman.  

Artwork: “Puzzle” by Esther Veerman

A Witness to My Inner Struggle

This Artwork is from the series:

Inner Child

By Dutch artist Esther Veerman

Founder of Foundation

“Art out of Violence”

Puzzle was created during a psychiatric admission. It’s a self-portrait, but the question is – of what? Throughout my life, painting and the canvas have given me the the opportunity to let go and thus art has helped in my recovery. The display of this work of art bears witness to this. When the work was finished, I received a comment from a nurse that the work ‘did not represent anything’.  Fortunately, I carefully preserved the work as a witness to my inner struggle and as a witness to what I, myself, had painted.

The portrait has no hair, because she lacks any kind of identity and is so deeply in mourning. The fear in the wide eyes of the portrait indicates how much she hears the voices, but also can’t heed or make sense of them. The little “Parts of me” inside the Puzzle make no connection with each other and are also cut off from the reality outside. But most striking are the many faces outside the portrait: the faces of the bystanders. They are closed, eyes and mouths shut. They remain aloof and do not make contact themselves. In other words, the outside world does not give recognition and appreciation to Puzzle and at worst even offers condemnation.

Puzzle is about my illness but at the point the artwork was created by me it hadn’t even been diagnosed. The subconscious mind provides the images through art. Shortly after creating this artwork, I asked for a second opinion and was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID).

I have now successfully completed my therapy. Eleven years ago, I established the foundation Art out of violence (Kunst uit geweld), through which I have already organised over 30 exhibitions throughout the Netherlands together with civil municipalities and libraries etc., to help fellow sufferers in their process of recovery, but also to provide information about domestic violence and sexual abuse. I also give information, workshops and lectures on the consequences of violence kunstuitgeweld.nl (Art out of violence). The Foundation is also known to foreign artists, such as Spanish and American, and has a permanent exhibition online.

The Foundation’s premise is that art precedes language. Many fellow sufferers show great symbolism in their art before they have been able to give words and meaning to it.

The artwork Puzzle by Esther Veerman can be viewed at: Esther Veerman – Puzzle (exto.nl)

Access the BJPsych Open Biomarkers of Dissociation theme.