Mediated Socializing

Compared to the extensive research on finding romance in online social settings such as chatrooms and social networking sites (see McEwan & Lefebvre, this volume), research on socializing via traditional media is limited. One possible explanation is that fewer traditional media afford group settings that allow people to encounter new potential mates.

One channel that meets this criterion is citizens’ band (CB) radio, which offered everyday consumers an easily accessible masspersonal channel and mobile social connectivity before the internet and mobile phones. Arguably, CB radio is the closest ancestor to online chatrooms: people adopt a pseudonymous handle and join live, ephemeral, limited bandwidth conversations with faceless strangers whenever they wish. Romantic or sexual communication is not uncommon; some CB users even signal their relationship status or interest through handles such as Playmate, Two-Timer, and Super Stud (Dannefer & Kasen, Reference Dannefer and Kasen1981). A content analysis found that 43 percent of exchanges between men and women were sexual. Heterosexual flirtation was common, but women were also frequently subject to unsolicited date requests and sexual invitations (Dannefer & Kasen, Reference Dannefer and Kasen1981). Similar affordances may explain why findings on CB use portend later findings on online interactions.

Mediated socializing can also occur at work. In some jobs, coworkers who have never met face-to-face are in constant communication, and workplace romances have taken root. Intimate long-distance relationships developed among telegraph operators despite the limited bandwidth of tapped messages (Standage, Reference Standage1998). Similarly, romantic relationships have been sparked through the constant exchanges between police officers and dispatchers over the radio.

Although designated social spaces in traditional media are rare, one notable example has been described as “adult chat,” “fantasy lines,” “telesex,” or “dial-a-porn,” which peaked in the 1990s before the internet (Hall, Reference Hall, Hall and Bucholtz1995). Many of these fee-driven telephone services advertised as private, anonymous ways to meet and chat with attractive, sexually interested women, although studies revealed these services were often deceptive (Borna et al., Reference Borna, Chapman and Menezes1993). The women were not available singles, but paid operators. Some male patrons, however, perceived ongoing interactions with the same operator as a developing relationship (Hall, Reference Hall, Hall and Bucholtz1995). These telesex operators presaged the “cam girls” and online sex workers (e.g., Onlyfans) of today.

Personal Advertising

Perhaps the most common use of mass and masspersonal media is to advertise one’s availability for a relationship. Newspapers and magazines have hosted classified advertisements with romantic goals (e.g., personals, “lonely hearts” ads, matrimonial ads) for centuries. Personal ads typically feature brief, text-based descriptions of the seeker and whom they are seeking; the low bandwidth also provides more anonymity than other channels. Several content analyses of personal ads have been conducted across several countries, examining expressed and desired characteristics (e.g., Andersen, Reference Andersen1958; de Sousa Campos et al., Reference de Sousa Campos, Otta and de Oliveira Siqueira2002), gender role expectations (Ramasubramanian & Jain, Reference Ramasubramanian and Jain2009), and cultural values (Zhou et al., Reference Zhou, Yau and Lin1997).

On singles voicemail services, users record a message describing themselves, listen to others’ recorded ads, and demonstrate interest by leaving a voicemail reply (Woll & Cozby, Reference Woll, Cozby, Jones and Perlman1987). Whereas these systems afford relative anonymity and privacy, television advertising offers a tradeoff: seekers willing to publicly broadcast their lack of success can access a larger, more diverse pool of possible mates. In China, the show Television Red Bride (1988) gave men (and later women) who had been unsuccessful in finding a mate locally the opportunity to advertise themselves to a broader audience (Wang, Reference Wang2017). US cable company Comcast offered Dating on Demand wherein singles were invited to record video advertisements that were then broadcast to the metropolitan area market. One study selected three videos from this service and created an audio version and a transcript to test whether bandwidth affected viewers’ attributions about the featured women. Men’s perceptions that women wanted to have fun, reduce uncertainty, or develop a friendship did not differ across modalities; however, they were more likely to perceive that women wanted sex in the video and audio conditions than in the transcript condition (Henningsen et al., Reference Henningsen, Henningsen, McWorthy, McWorthy and McWorthy2011).

Although there is limited research, it is worth noting that some individuals choose to advertise via less conventional channels, such as bumper stickers (Woll & Cozby, Reference Woll, Cozby, Jones and Perlman1987). Romantic and sexual graffiti was found in the ruins of Pompeii (79 CE), and in the modern era, several intrepid scholars have studied its prevalence in bathroom stalls. Latrinalia advertisements may include self-descriptions with phone numbers or invitations with instructions (e.g., “tap your foot for…”; Matthews et al., Reference Matthews, Speers and Ball2012). Their success rate remains unknown.

Media-Based Matchmaking Services

A third method of identifying a romantic partner through media is via matchmaking services. Mail-based introductory services (e.g., pen pal clubs for singles) require seekers to generate a self-description or complete a questionnaire that the service uses to identify potential partners (Wallace, Reference Wallace1959). Some services facilitate correspondence marriage or transnational marriage migration, introducing people from different countries with complementary needs (Constable, Reference Constable2003). Although many couples report positive experiences (Constable, Reference Constable2003), some services disempower and commodify women. As the paying customers, men are given the power to choose among options and initiate relationships (e.g., “mail order bride” catalogs), control the channel and nature of communication during long-distance relationship development, and even govern the terms of migration and marriage (Wang & Chang, Reference Wang and Chang2002).

In the 1970s, a matchmaking service offering higher bandwidth emerged: video dating. Modern scholars may be surprised to learn how similar the video dating process is to online dating (and, perhaps, that video dating still exists). First, participants provide photographs and complete a survey to generate a profile. Then, they record a video, usually an interview five to ten minutes in length. The higher bandwidth of video allows daters to observe a candidate’s dynamic nonverbal expressiveness (e.g., smiling, eye contact), which Riggio and Woll (Reference Riggio and Woll1984) identified as a predictor of videodaters’ popularity. Videodaters report taking time to craft and revise their profiles and videos (Woll & Young, Reference Woll and Young1989). This process, enabled by the affordances of asynchronicity and editability, was later conceptualized as selective self-presentation in the online context and theorized as part of the hyperpersonal model (Walther, Reference Walther1992).

Participants have identified several advantages of video dating. First, it increases accessibility and provides a much larger pool than daters have access to face-to-face (Woll & Young, Reference Woll and Young1989). Second, the amount and richness of information enables videodaters to prescreen candidates and evaluate them on a deeper level before wasting time on a date (Woll & Young, Reference Woll and Young1989). Finally, video makes it more difficult to conceal or misrepresent characteristics such as age, weight, or attractiveness, so it is perceived as a more authentic portrayal (Woll & Cozby, Reference Woll, Cozby, Jones and Perlman1987). Studies indicate that video daters do not necessarily benefit from these advantages, however; in fact, they may backfire. Woll (Reference Woll1986) identified drawbacks to an abundance of choice, which many video daters found overwhelming. Although photographs are deliberately situated on the back of profiles to encourage getting to know someone before evaluating their looks, many videodaters adopted the strategy of starting with photographs and appearance judgments. Generally, videodaters made decisions based on quickly discernible characteristics such as physical attractiveness, age, and occupation, which Woll (Reference Woll1986) attributed to cognitive overload. Woll and Cozby (Reference Woll, Cozby, Jones and Perlman1987) also argued that the amount of information provided about a candidate may be problematic because “it produces only the illusion of knowledge or validity rather than actual increases in accuracy” (p. 96). They also found, however, that videodaters’ judgments were more accurate when they watched a candidate’s video compared to just the profile or the profile and photographs.

A final advantage cited by video daters is conversational control through mutual consent: both individuals must indicate romantic interest before the service distributes contact information (Woll & Cozby, Reference Woll, Cozby, Jones and Perlman1987). This matching procedure is akin to the gatekeeping on dating apps like Tinder and Bumble, where both partners must express interest for communication to be enabled. Regardless of these perceived advantages over other initiation methods, Woll and Cozby (Reference Woll, Cozby, Jones and Perlman1987) estimated the success rate of video dating services as 10 percent–15 percent, which they deemed “unimpressive.”

Broadcast Matchmaking Programs

A final, curious intersection of romantic relationship initiation and media is broadcast matchmaking programs. These shows play an active role in the relationship initiation process by identifying, screening, testing, or selecting potential mates. One format is the participatory dating show, exemplified by call in radio shows. These shows are largely unscripted, and matchmaking is not only visible to, but requires active participation from, a live audience. For example, on the Australian radio show Midnight Matchmaker (1982), the host would interview a caller, eliciting a personal advertisement, desired partner traits, and often personal narratives; interested listeners would call in and the host would try to facilitate a match (Griffen-Foley, Reference Griffen-Foley2020). Other listeners called in to offer support, advice, or criticism to mate seekers.

Dating game shows first appeared on the radio, and their formats were eventually replicated on television. These shows involve singles selected by producers, feature mate competition, and vary in how scripted they are. For example, on the Australian radio show Blind Date (1946), two candidates competed over the phone for a date with an unseen woman; on Boy Meets Girl (1947), a comedian wrangled a small group of men and women hoping to find a match (Griffen-Foley, Reference Griffen-Foley2020). The Dating Game debuted on US television in 1965 and different versions popped up around the globe. The 1990s–2000s reality television boom presented an onslaught of both episodic (e.g., Singled Out) and serial (e.g., The Bachelor, Temptation Island) competitive dating shows. One study of episodic dating shows in Israel and the United States examined the categories participants chose to screen a large group of suitors in the first round of competition (e.g., relationship goals, age, lifestyle, personality). The two most common categories selected by both men and women were sexual characteristics (e.g., bedroom behavior, breast or penis size) and physical appearance (Hetsroni & Bloch, Reference Hetsroni and Bloch1999).

A final type of broadcast matchmaking is the dating setup show, exemplified by Blind Date, Dating Naked, and Married at First Sight. Seekers apply to the show and producers match two applicants. Cameras then capture the pair’s introduction and relational development, usually with intervening “confessionals” where each partner speaks to the camera independently about their feelings or reflections. The show’s presentation invites viewers to judge the relationship’s potential for success or failure and often the participants themselves.

It is unclear why couples would want to publicly broadcast the private and often awkward initial stages of a romantic relationship, which may explain why a handful of studies have explored motivations for participating in dating shows. Stuart (Reference Stuart1962) studied applicants to the United States television show, A Chance for Romance, and found they were primarily driven by a perceived lack of options through traditional methods such as singles clubs or meeting people through work. Women also noted that there was a greater sense of safety knowing that the television show would conduct background checks. A study by Syvertsen (Reference Syvertsen2001), however, found that applicants to the Norwegian TV dating show Reisesjekken reported seeking publicity more than love. Given the different goals and foci of broadcast matchmaking programs, more research is warranted on participant motivations and matchmaking success.

Contributions to Romantic Relationship Research

In 1987, Woll and Cozby argued that interpersonal theorizing had largely overlooked potential differences in how mate seeking and relationship initiation transpires in mediated contexts compared to face-to-face. For example, research on initial interactions has often assumed that when two people meet, it is a face-to-face interaction between strangers who know nothing about each other. The implications are that people have access to a wide range of nonverbal cues (given high bandwidth), that the initial availability of personal information is relatively equal between partners (as they are physically co-present), and there is limited opportunity to carefully craft or revise messages (as synchronicity and co-presence limit editability). Social norms that govern face-to-face interaction, such as politeness and turn-taking, are assumed. As the research reviewed here demonstrates, these assumptions do not necessarily hold across mediated contexts, yet theoretical progress at this intersection remains torpid (for a notable exception, see Tong et al., Reference Tong, Hancock and Slatcher2016).

Why people select and avoid different channels to seek mates has also enlightened our understanding of relationship initiation. For example, Woll and Cozby (Reference Woll, Cozby, Jones and Perlman1987) argued that research too often assumes that all relationship seekers have equal access to mates and thus concludes a lack of success indicates an interpersonal deficit. Research on mediated mate-seeking has drawn attention to many obstacles to relationship initiation, such as having a concealed, stigmatized identity (e.g., LGBTQ+ individuals), constraints on time (e.g., single mothers with young children), and geographical or cultural isolation (e.g., immigrants). Collectively, research on mediated mate-seeking suggests that individual and contextual factors that shape potential mate pools and initiation possibilities warrant more attention. Further, more longitudinal research is needed on dating efforts, successes, and failures over time to interpret channel choice and decision-making in the early stages of romantic relationships.

Developing Relationships

From papyrus to notebook paper, written messages have fostered relationship development throughout history. In some cases, such as personal advertisements and pen pals, relationships are developed through written exchanges before face-to-face-meetings. In other cases, a couple that has met face-to-face may escalate the relationship through textual communication. Cultural customs may necessitate such formalities (Su, Reference Su2016); for example, calling cards were instrumental in arranging Victorian era courtship (Bailey, Reference Bailey1988). Geographical separation may also force couples to rely on written exchanges (Wyss, Reference Wyss2008).

Relationship development through a low bandwidth, asynchronous channel presents advantages and disadvantages. Although the slow rate of exchanged letters may frustrate some, others find the pacing and conversational control appealing (Janning, Reference Janning2018). Low bandwidth and physical separation may encourage more intimate disclosures, particularly if couples’ face-to-face time is chaperoned or otherwise regulated (Bailey, Reference Bailey1988). The tangible, persistent nature of letters also enables the recipient to keep and revisit these messages as desired (Janning, Reference Janning2018).

If other channels are available, however, letters are seen as less appropriate than phone or face-to-face for attempting to escalate a relationship (Westmyer et al., Reference Westmyer, DiCioccio and Rubin1998). The dearth of cues and communicative control also makes deception easier. Newspapers in the 1800s regularly reported incidents wherein hopeful lovers were deceived and defrauded through personal ads, letters, and telegraphs (Marvin, Reference Marvin1988), what is now known as catfishing in the digital age. One notorious catfishing case is the serial killer Belle Gunness, who placed personal ads seeking a husband in the early 1900s, luring men to her farm through love letters before robbing, murdering, and dismembering them.

The telephone has also played a significant role in romantic relationship development over the past few decades. Romantic interest is often conveyed by requesting or offering a phone number, as the telephone increases accessibility. The telephone has emerged as an important medium in the development of adolescent romantic relationships as it enables regular access and more private dyadic interaction than interactions at school or with peers. Feiring (Reference Feiring1996) reported that adolescents talked with their partners on the phone nearly every day, and that their conversations averaged an hour. Although interactions have shifted from calling to texting, the phone still affords accessibility and privacy for adolescent couples today.

Given the diminished bandwidth, synchronous conversations on the phone present some interesting challenges for partners just getting to know each other. Women in heterosexual dating relationships reported the phone was less warm and personal than face-to-face conversation, and the reduction in nonverbal cues such as facial expressions often heightened their uncertainty about their partner’s feelings (Sarch, Reference Sarch1993). Some felt there were benefits to lower bandwidth, however, such as not having to regulate their own nonverbals and feeling emboldened to make disclosures (Sarch, Reference Sarch1993). In our current, media-rich interactions, studying the role of different affordances and their gratifications would clarify how couples use and experience different channels in modern developing relationships.

Maintaining Long-Distance Relationships

Many circumstances can force couples into geographical separation: relocating for college or work, military deployment, imprisonment, hospitalization, or, as many have now experienced, quarantine. Media become a vital means of sustaining long-distance and otherwise separated relationships (Dainton & Aylor, Reference Dainton and Aylor2002). Mediated maintenance is first determined by what channels are accessible to both partners. For example, prisoners are typically restricted in what channels they can access, and phone calls can be cost-prohibitive (Black, Reference Black2010). During Desert Storm, US soldiers could call, fax, email, record videotapes, or even videoconference; yet over a decade later in Somalia, a lack of infrastructure limited communication to email (Schumm et al., Reference Schumm, Bell, Ender and Rice2004). Disabilities and literacies can also limit what modalities are practicable for a couple (Wyss, Reference Wyss2008). When channel choice is constrained, partners may have to forge new ways of communicating. For example, couples can employ idiosyncratic linguistic codes in their letters to conceal their exchanges from their guardians or censors (e.g., in prison; Black, Reference Black2010)

Consistent with Parks’s (Reference Parks2017) conceptualization of mixed media relationships, several studies have examined the use of multiple channels by couples. Stafford and Reske (Reference Stafford and Reske1990) found that letters were associated with more relationship satisfaction, stronger feelings of love, and increased idealization of the relationship than communicating face-to-face or by phone. The authors hypothesized that the asynchronicity and low bandwidth of letters promoted idealization. A second possibility may be related to the symbolic nature of letters, as couples may perceive them as more meaningful than other forms of communication (Janning, Reference Janning2018). A third possibility may be that letters help avoid stress or negativity. Carter and Renshaw (Reference Carter and Renshaw2016) found that for service members with lower levels of family stress, more use of synchronous channels (e.g., phone) was associated with increased relationship satisfaction, but for those with higher stress, synchronous channel use was associated with decreased satisfaction. The opposite pattern was observed for asynchronous channels such as letters, which may provide stressed couples more opportunity for regulation and stress mitigation than synchronous interpersonal channels.

Managing Relationship Disruption

Romantic relationships often face disruptions such as transitions, conflict, or turbulence. When facing a difficult conversation, partners may employ mass media content as a proxy for communicating their feelings. For instance, women use music to convey sexual desire to a disinterested partner (O’Sullivan & Byers, Reference O’Sullivan and Byers1993). Likewise, greeting cards help express sentiments when the sender feels awkward or stymied (West, Reference West2004), and dissatisfied partners use relevant television content to prompt relationship talk with their partner (Fallis et al., Reference Fallis, Fitzpatrick and Friestad1985).

One noteworthy example of mass media being repurposed for interpersonal communication is the music mixtape (Drew, Reference Drew2016). A mixtape is an effortful undertaking; the creator must devote hours to find the perfect songs before recording and sequencing them just so. The personalization of mixtapes is meaningful to the recipient, but also the sender as a form of self-expression (Jansen, Reference Jansen, Bijsterveld and van Dijck2009); even naming the mix or designing the playlist insert can be a symbolic gesture of devotion (Drew, Reference Drew2016). Creators report giving mixtapes to initiate, escalate, maintain, repair, and terminate romantic relationships (Drew, Reference Drew2016). Mixes are also used by creators and recipients to make sense of their feelings, cope with a breakup, or ruminate over lost love. A final use is that, due to their tangibility and persistence, mixtapes are treasured as relationship artifacts that evoke memories and nostalgia (Jansen, Reference Jansen, Bijsterveld and van Dijck2009).

Terminating Relationships

Paul Simon once observed, “There must be fifty ways to leave your lover.” Media have provided many storied forms for relationship dissolution, from the “Dear John” letter to breaking up with the answering machine to battling an ex-spouse on the television show Divorce Court. Although research on media as a breakup tool is limited, one study of college undergraduates found that although face-to-face was the most frequent channel (45.5 percent), one-fifth reported breaking up by phone call (Carter et al., Reference Carter, Knox and Hall2018). In dating couples, no longer returning phone calls is understood as a passive, if impolite, method of ending the relationship (Sarch, Reference Sarch1993). Most adults perceive the use of media to terminate a relationship as gauche, but Gershon (Reference Gershon2010) argued this perception is contingent on the couple’s media ecology (media use within the relationship) and individual media ideologies, beliefs, and attitudes about how a medium should be used.

Practicality may also govern the use of media for relationship dissolution. Long-distance couples may lack the opportunity to break up face-to-face. Couples in the early stages of dating may not want to arrange a face-to-face date solely to end the relationship; a phone call may be perceived as merciful rather than discourteous in its efficiency (Sarch, Reference Sarch1993). It is also worth noting that channels lacking synchronicity and physical co-presence afford greater safety. Although more direct inquiry is needed, it appears breakup initiators are likely to consider affordances when deciding how to terminate a relationship.

Contributions to Romantic Relationship Research

This body of research demonstrates three critical points. First, media are regular, and sometimes necessary, means for enacting romantic relationships. Second, media affordances shape our dyadic interactions through these channels and, in turn, our romantic relationships. They determine what communication is possible and influence how it is perceived. Yet, many studies of romantic relationship interactions or processes adopt a media-agnostic approach, which may overlook critical factors. Consider a romantic conflict: would you expect the conflict to transpire the same face-to-face compared to texting? Would it last the same amount of time? Would partners say the same things? Would the emotional experience be the same? Would it end the same? If the answer to any of these questions is no, would you then expect the effect on the relationship to be the same?

Another question is whether the couple only argues through a particular channel, if the couple argues across all channels, or if an argument starts in one channel and carries over to another. The communication interdependence perspective suggests that it is important to consider how communication across both face-to-face and mediated channels transpires within a close relationship (Caughlin & Sharabi, Reference Caughlin and Sharabi2013). Our final point is that in mixed media relationships, relationship functions, and processes may be occurring across multiple channels, or they may be confined to a particular channel (e.g., due to accessibility or media ideologies). Focusing on a single channel when studying a relationship phenomenon, particularly without consideration of media perceptions and attributes (e.g., affordances), greatly limits what we can generalize to our understanding of the phenomenon, the channel, or media more broadly.

Help Seeking

Songwriter John Prine once satirized the letter writers seeking help from advice columnists: “Dear Abby, Dear Abby, my fountain pen leaks. My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks …. Signed, Unhappy.” Advice columns offer readers the opportunity to share their problems and seek help pseudonymously (Golia, Reference Golia2021). Common romantic relationship topics mentioned by advice seekers include commitment (e.g., relationship ambivalence, infidelity), communication problems (e.g., conflict, intimacy issues), beliefs (regarding culture, gender, religion, etc.), socioeconomic stressors, and aggression (e.g., domestic violence, abuse; Barnett et al., Reference Barnett, Briggs, Osei-Tutu and Dzokoto2020).

The content of advice columns is an artifact of the era and contemporaneous cultural norms, but studies have also demonstrated differences based on venue and columnist. Thus, some findings suggest advice columns endorse traditional cultural beliefs, gender roles, and relationship myths, whereas others find evidence that they defy oppressive norms and refute marital myths (e.g., Golia, Reference Golia2021). In one illustrative study, Johnson and Holmes (Reference Johnson and Holmes2019) analyzed Abigail Van Buren’s (Dear Abby) and Ann Landers’s discussion of homosexuality from 1967 to 1982, demonstrating how historical events (e.g., Stonewall, the AIDS crisis) and shifting scientific opinions were reflected in columnists’ coverage, language, and advice to readers over time. Further, Van Buren consistently demonstrated greater compassion and acceptance of homosexuality than Landers (and even criticized Landers, her twin sister, in a 1973 column).

In contrast to static print media, call in radio shows provided an opportunity for an interactive conversation with a licensed therapist. One study found that the most common reason people called into Loveline was seeking expert advice (Borzutzky et al., Reference Borzutzky, Clark and Belzer2008). Many radio advice shows, however, involve synchronous interaction not just between the caller and the therapist, but also a host, audience members, or additional guest experts, which can impede the help-seeking process.

Daytime television talk shows were a natural progression for this genre, but they also represent a critical shift in affordances. In televised audience participation talk shows, help seekers are no longer nameless or faceless, and they disclose their relationship problems in front of a physically present audience that offers real-time verbal and nonverbal feedback (Timberg, Reference Timberg2002). The Phil Donahue Show and The Oprah Winfrey Show were early pioneers in this genre, but soon tabloid talk shows emerged. Jerry Springer Show, Geraldo, The Montel Williams Show, Ricki Lake, and Maury were labeled “trash TV” as they ratcheted up the sensationalism, revealing marital affairs to unwitting partners and conducting paternity tests to determine “Who’s the daddy?” among a woman’s sexual partners (Timberg, Reference Timberg2002).

Marriage, dating, sexual activity, and infidelity are common themes on talk shows, but they do not always provide experts to help (Johnson et al., Reference Johnson, Smith, Mitchell, Orrego and Ah Yun1999). A content analysis revealed that when relationship experts do appear, they provide specific advice and concrete solutions to problems more than 90 percent of the time; however, these “experts” vary considerably in their qualifications, including Ph.D.s, formally trained therapists, book authors, media personalities, and matchmakers (Johnson et al., Reference Johnson, Smith, Mitchell, Orrego and Ah Yun1999). Although anecdotal evidence exists (such as lawsuits against The Jenny Jones Show and Dr. Phil), systematic research is needed to assess how helpful (or harmful) proffered advice is for mediated help-seekers and whether the media experience itself affects participants or their relationships.

Public Declarations

Public declarations about romantic relationships are best described as masspersonal communication wherein a personalized message to one’s partner is deliberately conveyed in a highly visible channel to reach a large audience. For example, radio shows like Love Songs with Delilah allow callers to dedicate songs to express love, gratitude, or contrition to their partner or ex-partner (Griffen-Foley, Reference Griffen-Foley2020). A now-common trope is the broadcast marriage proposal, wherein one partner uses media to propose in front of a large audience, whether over a JumboTron at a sporting event or on live television. Public declarations of love may be perceived as having greater relational significance given the additional effort and risk of public humiliation.

Status Announcements

When romantic relationships undergo certain changes, mass mediated announcements may be made for celebratory, commemorative, informative, or legal reasons. For centuries, newspapers have been a source of information about others’ romantic relationships through society pages, gossip columns, and community member updates, and even now it is common practice for people to announce engagements, weddings, and anniversaries in their local newspaper. These announcements also serve a normative function. The New York Times’s weddings section, for example, has been perceived as a cultural hallmark (e.g., Hatch & Hatch, Reference Hatch and Hatch1947). When the NYT began publishing announcements of same-sex civil unions alongside heterosexual marriages in 2002, it was viewed as a milestone in the battle for marriage equality (Donovan, Reference Donovan2002).

Status announcements about romantic relationships may also address disengagement, however. Couples may choose to make a public announcement about a breakup or divorce through a newspaper notice, press release, or mass mailing (e.g., Lewis, Reference Lewis1983). When a partner dies, newspaper obituaries may represent a status announcement for the newly widowed. In some cases, however, stigmatized romantic relationships may be omitted or concealed. During the AIDS crisis, gay men’s obituaries rarely explicitly identified a partner, although some mentioned a “roommate” or “friend” alongside surviving family (Williams, Reference Williams1997). In this way, public announcements can be used to confirm or deny one’s relationship status or romantic partner.

Contributions to Romantic Relationship Research

These examples demonstrate how people have publicized their romantic relationships and romantic struggles, but the effects of visibility on relationships remain understudied in traditional media contexts. Arguably, our romantic relationships are more visible than ever before. Studies in social media contexts have begun exploring how greater visibility affects romantic relationships, such as making the dissolution process more stressful (Fox et al., Reference Fox, Frampton, Jones and Lookadoo2021), but the effects of publicity and mass audiences remains undertheorized. Notably, the affordances of masspersonal and mass media challenge theorizing about public disclosures and audiences in some relationship models. For example, Knapp’s (Reference Knapp1978) staircase model suggests that the final stage of relationship escalation is bonding through a broadly visible, public announcement about the relationship, because it assumed it was only when a couple was engaged or married that they would make an effort at mass notification. The research reviewed here suggests that publicization of the relationship can happen much earlier, perhaps before the couple is on solid ground, or can weather the attention.

A second consideration is what it means to see everyday people like ourselves in the media. People still hold reverence for mass media, and we attribute importance to those who appear in it. Seeing common people likely affects us differently than seeing celebrities, public figures, or fictional characters. We may feel more similar to these models, and thus their problems may seem more real, their experiences more relevant, and their accomplishments more attainable (Bandura, Reference Bandura1986). As we will discuss in the next section, there is considerable research about romantic portrayals in movies and television shows, but it is less clear if regular people’s publicized romantic experiences influence beliefs, norms, attitudes, or behaviors differently.

Mass Media and Attraction

Music is an important marker of personality and romantic compatibility, especially in adolescence (North & Hargreaves, Reference North and Hargreaves2008). Music is strategically used to communicate information about one’s identity to others (North & Hargreaves, Reference North and Hargreaves2008) and to judge others’ personalities during initial interactions (Rentfrow & Gosling, Reference Rentfrow and Gosling2006). Genre preferences and similarity in musical tastes can influence the attractiveness of a potential partner (Zillmann & Bhatia, Reference Zillmann and Bhatia1989). Music is also used as a marker of relational identity (Harris et al., Reference Harris, Baird, Harris and Thompson2020). Having a “couple-defining song” has been associated with higher intimacy levels, likely because listening to the song elicits positive emotions and evokes memories of happy moments in the relationship (Harris et al., Reference Harris, Baird, Harris and Thompson2020).

Shared and Divergent Mass Media Consumption

Media co-use can serve as a shared activity or ritual within romantic relationships. Many couples listen to music, watch television, or go to the movies together. Such media-based relational maintenance is positively associated with relationship quality (Ledbetter, Reference Ledbetter2013), particularly among couples who do not share friends (Gomillon et al., 2017). Partners may use media as a basis for conversation, and shared media experiences can help partners develop shared perspectives on life (Ledbetter et al., Reference Ledbetter, Stassen, Muhammad and Kotey2010).

On the other hand, media consumption may be a direct contributor to conflict and discord (e.g., Bergner & Bridges, Reference Bergner and Bridges2002). Excessive media consumption has been linked to increased conflict and lower relationship satisfaction in several studies (e.g., Spencer et al., Reference Spencer, Lambertsen, Hubler and Burr2017), as have discrepancies in media use between partners (Dew & Tulane, Reference Dew and Tulane2015). For example, spouses report feeling frustrated or upset when their partner pays less attention to them or outright ignores them in favor of watching television (Morgan et al., Reference Morgan, Hubler, Payne, Pomeroy, Gregg and Homer2017).

Several studies have examined pornography use by romantic partners. People report greater dissatisfaction when a partner’s use is excessive, secretive, or detracts from a couple’s interaction time (Pyle & Bridges, Reference Pyle and Bridges2012). Heterosexual women report feeling upset by their partner’s pornography use because it challenged the women’s beliefs about their relationship with their partner, their view of their own self-worth and desirability, and their understanding of their partners’ character and morality (Bergner & Bridges, Reference Bergner and Bridges2002). One study of married or cohabiting heterosexual couples found that men’s pornography use was associated with diminished sexual quality for both men and women, but women’s pornography use was associated with women’s sexual quality (Poulsen et al., Reference Poulsen, Busby and Galovan2013). Joint pornography use has also been associated with increased sexual satisfaction (Willoughby & Leonhardt, Reference Willoughby and Leonhardt2020).

Coping and Remembering with Mass Media

Individuals may seek out certain media to manage their mood, whether they want to wallow in sadness, engage in escapism, or cheer up. As such, media can play an important role in helping people cope with relationship dissolution (Garrido & Davidson, Reference Garrido and Davidson2019). Media also have strong associations in our relational memory. Hearing certain songs can make us feel nostalgic about poignant romantic experiences and past loves (Garrido & Davidson, Reference Garrido and Davidson2019).

Contributions to Romantic Relationship Research

These studies demonstrate that there are several mass media uses relevant to romantic relationships. Media co-use presents an interesting case study for the debate regarding what does and does not constitute relationship maintenance. Does merely staring at the screen together benefit relationships? Disentangling affordances may offer some insight. Is physical co-presence necessary, or does sharing a mediated experience virtually suffice? A second angle may be whether the media experience is enjoyable for both partners. A pleasant shared experience may create happy memories for both parties. Otherwise, one partner may enjoy watching spaghetti westerns whereas the other may endure the tedium as a maintenance labor of love.

A second question that arises from media consumption is its role in presumed – and actual – compatibility. Media tastes are often visible on dating profiles or part of small talk between couples getting to know each other. The research here suggests people believe these tastes to be relatively reliable cues to a target’s personality and the couple’s compatibility, although how strong a role these attributions play in relationship initiation and development remains understudied.

Conflict and Relational Aggression

Media frequently depict interpersonal conflict and relational aggression, defined as “using or manipulating the relationship to harm one’s romantic partner” (Coyne et al., Reference Coyne, Nelson, Graham-Kevan, Tew, Meng and Olsen2011, p. 57). Exposure to interpersonal conflict on television is positively related to viewers’ attempts to control their romantic partner, especially if the television content is perceived as real (Aubrey et al., Reference Aubrey, Rhea, Olson and Fine2013).

One cause of conflict often depicted in media is infidelity. Some research shows that when suspicious partners are exposed to media depictions of infidelity, they exhibit a stronger intention to end the relationship if a partner is unfaithful (Alexopoulos & Taylor, Reference Alexopoulos and Taylor2020). However, other research demonstrated that effects of exposure to media content depicting infidelity depend in part on whether positive or negative consequences of infidelity were also portrayed (Alexopoulos & Taylor, Reference Alexopoulos and Taylor2021). It is possible media that depict negative consequences of infidelity activate a script for punishing unfaithful partners. Punishment of an unfaithful partner in the form of physical abuse, verbal aggression, or counter-jealousy induction is a common theme in romantic media (Frampton & Linvill, Reference Frampton and Linvill2017). These same media depictions often show a “happily-ever-after” ending for the on-screen couple despite the destructive response to infidelity (Johnson & Holmes, Reference Johnson and Holmes2009), making such behaviors more likely to be imitated according to social cognitive theory (Bandura, Reference Bandura1986).

Media also depict domestic violence beyond the context of infidelity (e.g., Joyce & Martinez, Reference Joyce and Martinez2017). Exposure to media depictions of domestic abuse are not only positively related to acceptance and minimization of the abuse, but also perpetration of it (Rodenhizer & Edwards, Reference Rodenhizer and Edwards2019). The relationship between exposure to physical violence in media and physical aggression toward romantic partners may be particularly strong for men (Coyne et al., Reference Coyne, Nelson, Graham-Kevan, Tew, Meng and Olsen2011). Indeed, Moss et al. (Reference Moss, Ward and Overstreet2022) found that exposure to popular television shows and music videos is associated with the acceptance of men’s use of violence toward women and that this relationship is mediated by several variables such as the endorsement of sexual objectification of women.

Zillmann and Bryant (Reference Zillmann and Bryant1982) similarly found that exposure to large amounts of pornography resulted in less compassion toward rape victims and toward women in general. Pornographic content frequently depicts aggressive acts such as slapping and choking, and these actions are disproportionately targeted toward women and particularly Black women (Fritz et al., Reference Fritz, Malic, Paul and Zhou2020). Importantly, pornography rarely shows negative consequences stemming from the aggression, as targets typically respond neutrally or positively (Fritz et al., Reference Fritz, Malic, Paul and Zhou2020).

Sex

Since the turn of the century, sexual content has proliferated and become increasingly explicit in some countries such as the United States (e.g., Kunkel et al., Reference Kunkel, Farrar, Eyal, Biely, Donnerstein and Rideout2007; Smiler et al., Reference Smiler, Shewmaker and Hearon2017). In more restrictive countries like China, sexual media content remains less explicit (Brown et al., Reference Brown, Zhao, Wang, Liu, Lu, Li, Ortiz, Liao and Zhang2013). In some countries, sexual media content is outlawed. In Iran, this ban extends to any media featuring relationships not approved by sharia law (e.g., cohabitation or homosexuality). Numerous studies have examined sexual media content (see Coyne et al., Reference Coyne, Ward, Kroff, Davis, Holmgren, Jensen, Erickson and Essig2019), particularly in the United States where there is notable variation in both media regulation and sexual attitudes.

Most content analyses have focused on television programming given its accessibility to a broad audience. Sex is frequently portrayed; one study reported sexual talk or behavior in 20 percent of coded episodes (Dillman Carpentier et al., Reference Dillman Carpentier, Stevens, Wu and Seely2017) and another reported two acts of sexual intercourse per episode (Eyal & Finnerty, Reference Eyal and Finnerty2009). Content analyses of television shows have identified problematic depictions such as sexual activity without explicit consent (Jozkowski et al., Reference Jozkowski, Marcantonio, Rhoads, Canan, Hunt and Willis2019) or sexual assault not characterized as such (Eyal & Finnerty, Reference Eyal and Finnerty2009). Although it is increasingly common to include messages of sexual responsibility (e.g., condom use), topics related to sexual risks or responsibilities remain infrequent (Dillman Carpentier et al., Reference Dillman Carpentier, Stevens, Wu and Seely2017). Problematic depictions include sexual activity without clear consent (Jozkowski et al., Reference Jozkowski, Marcantonio, Rhoads, Canan, Hunt and Willis2019). Several studies have examined outcomes of sex. Positive consequences are more likely to be portrayed than negative consequences (Eyal & Finnerty, Reference Eyal and Finnerty2009). When negative consequences are depicted, they are usually emotional and social consequences rather than physical consequences such as a sexually transmitted infection (Dillman Carpentier et al., Reference Dillman Carpentier, Stevens, Wu and Seely2017). Negative consequences are usually suffered by women rather than men (Aubrey, Reference Aubrey2004) and are more common among heterosexual characters than lesbian, gay, or bisexual characters (Bond et al., Reference Bond, Miller and Aubrey2019).

Many people learn about sex from media, especially adolescents and emerging adults (Ward et al., Reference Ward, Moorman, Grower, Lamb and Gilbert2019). Exposure to sexual media content has been linked to more permissive attitudes toward sex (Dillman Carpentier & Stevens, Reference Dillman Carpentier and Stevens2018), perceptions that peers engage in frequent sex (Ward et al., Reference Ward, Moorman, Grower, Lamb and Gilbert2019), and endorsement of traditional gender roles (Zurbriggen & Morgan, Reference Zurbriggen and Morgan2006). Exposure to sexual content has also been linked to sexual behavior (Coyne et al., Reference Coyne, Ward, Kroff, Davis, Holmgren, Jensen, Erickson and Essig2019). There are concerns about young adults mimicking problematic or risky sexual behaviors they see in media such as unprotected sex and sex without consent (Ward et al., Reference Ward, Moorman, Grower, Lamb and Gilbert2019). For example, exposure to more sexual content on television is associated with the experience of teen pregnancy (Chandra et al., Reference Chandra, Martino, Collins, Elliott, Berry, Kanouse and Miu2008), indicating adolescents may be imitating the risky sexual behaviors they see on screen.

Media also help viewers learn sexual scripts and prototypes for a “good” sexual experience, which can impact their expectations for sexual activity (Ward et al., Reference Ward, Moorman, Grower, Lamb and Gilbert2019). However, sexual experiences depicted in mass media are often idealized, and real-life experiences may not live up to their on-screen counterparts, sometimes leading to regret regarding the sexual encounter (Martino et al., Reference Martino, Collins, Elliott, Kanouse and Berry2009). A meta-analysis found that pornography consumption is associated with less satisfaction with sexual partners and relationships (Wright et al., Reference Wright, Tokunaga, Kraus and Klann2017). One possible explanation is contrast effects: people in pornography videos often appear more attractive, sexually adventurous, and sexually competent than one’s current sexual partner. Thus, relationship alternatives become more attractive to people who view a lot of pornography (Rasmussen, Reference Rasmussen2016).

Romantic Themes and Idealized Representations

Media not only portray idealized versions of sex, they also portray idealized versions of relationships and romance (Hefner & Wilson, Reference Hefner and Wilson2013). Television and movies frequently feature mythic ideas such as everyone has a soulmate, love can happen “at first sight,” love will conquer all, and true love will last forever (Hefner & Wilson, Reference Hefner and Wilson2013; Johnson & Holmes, Reference Johnson and Holmes2009).

Exposure to romantic ideals in media is associated with increased endorsement of those ideals (Hefner & Wilson, Reference Hefner and Wilson2013). Young people are especially likely to endorse romantic beliefs and ideals depicted in media if they watch for learning purposes (Hefner & Wilson, Reference Hefner and Wilson2013). Even when adolescents acknowledge that portrayals are idealized, they still consider these portrayals to be relationship goals (Len-Ríos et al., Reference Len-Ríos, Streit, Killoren, Deutsch, Cooper and Carlo2016). Unfortunately, it is unlikely that a romantic partner or relationship can live up to the high standards set in romantic media. Although some media representations of relationships recognize relationships face challenges, those representations often trivialize negative consequences of problems or relational transgressions (Johnson & Holmes, Reference Johnson and Holmes2009). Yet, in reality, unmet expectations of ideal relationships can lead to lower levels of commitment and higher perceived costs of the relationship (Osborn, Reference Osborn2012). In some cases, however, exposure to idealistic content may lead to greater life satisfaction than more realistic content (Kretz, Reference Kretz2019), presumably because the content encourages viewers to idealize their own relationship.

Contributions to Romantic Relationship Research

Media effects research has demonstrated that it is not just cultural values or interpersonal sources such as family and peers that influence our romantic beliefs and relationships. Although we readily acknowledge that much of our formal education comes through media such as textbooks, we often lose sight of the educational potential of other media, particularly entertainment media. The same things that attract consumers to certain media, such as attractive stars or a desire to learn, may increase the likelihood that content will affect relationship beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors. Future research should adopt a holistic perspective and examine media among other sources of information and influence.

In the real world, relationship models are limited by what is possible: what is normative and often most influential is what we see every day. Media can provide us with more attractive or desirable versions of what we have experienced, or offer portrayals of what we have not. Moreover, media often depict a hyperreality with impossibly impeccable partners and unattainable relationship goals. These idealized representations can shape our schema and formulate expectations that can only be disappointed – unless, perhaps, we seek a relationship with a media figure.

Contributions to Romantic Relationship Research

Although research on PSRRs is rarely cited in research on real romantic relationships, it has the potential to offer insights into several phenomena. PSRRs may be an important contributor to relationship schema and idealized romantic beliefs among media consumers, particularly among those with less romantic experience. Strong or enduring parasocial relationships may foster the development of romantic prototypes and expectations that real partners may never fulfill. Given that children develop PSRs at a very young age, PSRRs may also represent a possible step in understanding how attachment models from infancy transfer to romantic relationships.

PSRRs are inherently one-sided and require imagination and fantasy to be sustained. Understanding how people develop and maintain PSRRs may lend additional insights into unwanted relational pursuit and stalking behavior. Due to their one-sidedness, PSRRs also present an interesting context for examining perceptions of equity, power, and control within romantic relationships.