“Minding” is a combination of thought and behavior patterns that interact to create stability and feelings of closeness in a relationship. We officially define minding as: a reciprocal knowing process that occurs nonstop throughout the history of the relationship and that involves a complex package of interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. There are five specific components of minding, which are described below. In the following chapters, they will be discussed in relation to other contemporary close relationship ideas.

KNOWING ONE'S PARTNER

The first component of minding refers to behaviors aimed at knowing one's partner. These include questioning your partner about his or her thoughts, feelings, and past experiences, as well as disclosing appropriately about yourself. This search to know a partner can lead to and includes intuition. Partners often “read between the lines” to know that something is wrong with the other; often the knowledge they have about each other makes it easier for them to pick up nonverbal cues. Knowledge about a partner can facilitate this ability to see beneath surface behaviors to the emotions and motivations below.

In well-minded relationships, each partner will recognize that people change in many ways over time.