I now found that I had re-embarked upon a fantastic adventure and that the sly, treacherous serpent with its dual nature provides a wonderfully apposite symbol for that. It contains within it the secret of transformation, shedding its skin and feigning death only to re-emerge in a new form. It is a harbinger of wisdom, knowledge and danger. Grasping its meaning you plunge headlong into conflict and are led down into the dirt of brothels, cheap nightclubs, dark alleyways and drug infusions; into the alchemical mire, the nighttime recess of illumination. It cannot be pinned down to a single experience or meaning, for like all symbols it contains the germ of totality. Because of that the experience of the symbol takes the form of a full-blooded assault which comes at you from all directions. It forms a circle which embraces and contains you in an ever-present womb, a cocoon of unbeing and potential being. You see it in alchemical texts as the uoroboros, the serpent which devours itself with its own teeth, or which is roasted alive to yield up the treasure it guards. And then it might make a go at you, threatening to devour you in its place. Monsters may come flying at you throughout the passage of the night, and their aim is as subtle as the madness of some black magic manifestation. They leave you to fulfil the work yourself through your own self-destruction, through an alcoholic frenzy or through suicide. That is the dark side. It is the darkness and warmth that a weak consciousness must continue to cling to until it gains its strength through inaction and non-striving.

Imitating the process of change or inner transformation was what I had sought to achieve with Terence on our visit to Canterbury. It was also the reason for his coming to me after the break in our relationship which had occurred two years before. Ten years his junior, this was no easy task and if it ran the same course as our traumatic and turbulent relationship had done in the past the results could have been catastrophic for both of us. It could at the least have led to a very intense reaction between us.