Book contents
- Frontmatter
- Contents
- Contribitors
- Introduction
- SECTION ONE THE EFFECT OF COGNITION ON INTERACTION PATTERNS
- SECTION TWO UNDERSTANDING THE IMPORTANCE OF POSITIVE INTERACTION
- SECTION THREE COPING WITH DISAPPOINTMENT, CRITICISM, AND BETRAYAL
- Introduction to Section Three
- 8 Coping with Disappointment in Marriage: When Partners' Standards Are Unmet
- 9 On Empathic Accuracy and Husbands' Abusiveness: The “Overattribution Bias”
- 10 The War of the Roses: An Interdependence Analysis of Betrayal and Forgiveness
- SECTION FOUR POWER, CONFLICT, AND VIOLENCE IN MARITAL INTERACTION
- Marital interaction at important transition periods
- SECTION SIX Interventions for strengthening relationships
- Conclusions
- Index
- References
8 - Coping with Disappointment in Marriage: When Partners' Standards Are Unmet
Published online by Cambridge University Press: 25 July 2009
Book contents
- Frontmatter
- Contents
- Contribitors
- Introduction
- SECTION ONE THE EFFECT OF COGNITION ON INTERACTION PATTERNS
- SECTION TWO UNDERSTANDING THE IMPORTANCE OF POSITIVE INTERACTION
- SECTION THREE COPING WITH DISAPPOINTMENT, CRITICISM, AND BETRAYAL
- Introduction to Section Three
- 8 Coping with Disappointment in Marriage: When Partners' Standards Are Unmet
- 9 On Empathic Accuracy and Husbands' Abusiveness: The “Overattribution Bias”
- 10 The War of the Roses: An Interdependence Analysis of Betrayal and Forgiveness
- SECTION FOUR POWER, CONFLICT, AND VIOLENCE IN MARITAL INTERACTION
- Marital interaction at important transition periods
- SECTION SIX Interventions for strengthening relationships
- Conclusions
- Index
- References
Summary
When we were first married, we agreed that we would have a partnership –that we would both have jobs, that we would share the housework, and that we would both be active in caring for our children. Well, now that we've had a baby, all that has changed. Sure, we both have jobs, but I do almost all of the childcare. He acts like he's doing me a big favor when he holds the baby while I make dinner. It's not that he doesn't like the baby–he loves her and he really enjoys playing with her. I just thought he'd want to be more involved in feeding, diaper-changing, and stuff like that. He'll sit and watch TV or read the paper while I do all the work. I hinted around to him about this a couple of times, but he really got mad. He thought I was saying that he wasn't a good father. So now I just do everything myself. It's hard, but I'd rather keep our marriage happy and I want him to enjoy the time that he spends with the baby.
Why is it that some spouses stay relatively satisfied with their marriage even though the standards they hold for their relationship are not being fulfilled? What do people do when their relational standards are not met? Some individuals may dwell on the disappointment they feel and, as a consequence, may become disillusioned with their relationship.
- Type
- Chapter
- Information
- Understanding MarriageDevelopments in the Study of Couple Interaction, pp. 201 - 227Publisher: Cambridge University PressPrint publication year: 2002
References
(1994). Role of hostility in women's health during midlife: A longitudinal study. Health Psychology, 13, 488–495CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Albrecht, T. L., & Adelman, M. B. (1987). Communicating social support. Newbury Park, CA: Sage
, & (1987). Does coping help? A reexamination of the relation between coping and mental health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 35, 337–348CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, , , , , & (1996). Cognitions in marriage: The relationship between standards and attributions. Journal of Family Psychology, 10, 209–222CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, , , & (1989). The role of cognitions in marital relationships: Definitional, methodological, and conceptual issues. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 57, 31–38CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Beck, A. T. (1988). Love is never enough: How couples can overcome misunderstandings, resolve conflicts, and solve relationship problems through cognitive therapy. New York: Harper & Row
, & (1979). Social networks, host resistance, and mortality: A nine year followup study of Alameda County residents. American Journal of Epidemiology, 109, 186–204CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
, & (1981). The role of coping processes and social resources among adults with unipolar depression. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 4, 139–157CrossRefGoogle Scholar
(1990). Coping efforts and marital satisfaction: Measuring marital coping and its correlates. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 463–474CrossRefGoogle Scholar
(1979). Concepts in the analysis of qualitative data. Sociological Review, 27, 651–677CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Burleson, B. R., Albrecht, T. L., & Sarason, I. G. (1994) (Eds.). Communication of social support: Messages, interaction, relationships, and community. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage
, , & (1989). Assessing coping strategies: A theoretically based approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 56, 267–283CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
, & (1989). Social support: Seek and ye shall find. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6, 345–358CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, , , & (1992). Patterns of coping with cancer. Health Psychology, 11, 79–87CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
, & (1981). Unrealistic beliefs of clinical couples: Their relationship to expectations, goals, and satisfaction. The American Journal of Family Therapy, 9, 13–22CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Fincham, F. D. (1985). Attributions in close relationships. In J. Harvey & G. Weary (Eds.), Attribution: Basic issues and applications (pp. 203–234). New York: Academic Press
, , & (1987). Attribution processes in distressed and nondistressed couples: 4. Self–partner attribution differences. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 739–748CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
(1984). Personality characteristics and coping patterns. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 25, 229–244CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, , , & (1999). Ideals in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76, 72–89CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
, & (1980). An analysis of coping in a middle-aged community sample. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 21, 219–239CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, & (1985). If it changes it must be a process: Study of emotion and coping during three stages of a college examination. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 48, 150–170CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
, , , , & (1986). Dynamics of a stressful encounter: Cognitive appraisal, coping, and encounter outcomes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50, 992–1003CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Gottman, J. M. (1979). Marital interaction: Experimental investigation. New York: Academic Press
Gottman, J. M. (1991). What predicts divorce?: The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates
Gottman, J. M., Notarius, C., Gonso, J., & Markman, H. (1976). A couple's guide to communication. Champaign, IL: Research Press
, & (1990). Writing about disclosed versus undisclosed traumas: Health and mood effects. Health Psychology, 9, 114–115CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Hatfield, E., Traupman, J., Sprecher, S., Utne, M., & Hay, J. (1985). Equity and intimate relations: Recent research. In W. Ickes (Ed.), Compatible and incompatible relationships (pp. 91–117). New York: Springer-VerlagCrossRef
, & (1985). Causal attributions of married couples: When do they search for causes? What do they conclude when they do? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 48, 1398–1412CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Homans, G. (1961). Social behavior: Its elementary forms. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich
, & (1991). Cynical hostility: Developmental factors, psychosocial correlates, and health behaviors. Health Psychology, 10, 9–17CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Huston, T. L., & Burgess, R. L. (1979). Social exchange in developing relationships: An overview. In R. L. Burgess & T. L. Huston (Eds.), Social exchange in developing relationships (pp. 3–28). New York: Academic PressCrossRef
, & (1981). “What we need is communication”: Communication as a cultural category in some American speech. Communication Monographs, 48, 301–317CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Kelley, H. H., & Thibaut, J. W. (1978). Interpersonal relations: A theory of interdependence. New York: Wiley
Lazarus, R. S. (1966). Psychological stress and the coping process. New York: McGraw-Hill
Lazarus, R. S. (1991). Emotion and adaptation. New York: Oxford University Press
Lazarus R. S., & Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, appraisal, and coping. New York: Springer-Verlag
Lederer, W., & Jackson, D. O. (1968). The mirages of marriage. New York: Norton
, , , & (1998). Coping as a communal process. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 15, 579–605CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, & (1978). The structure of coping. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 22, 337–356CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, & (1986). Confronting a traumatic event: Toward an understanding of inhibition and disease. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 95, 274–281CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
, , & (1988). Disclosure of traumas and immune function: Health implications for psychotherapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 56, 239–245CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
, , & (1998). The immunological effects of thought suppression. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 1264–1272CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
, & (1999). Coping in intimate relationships: Development of the multidimensional intimate coping questionnaire. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 16, 133–144CrossRefGoogle Scholar
(1993). American family decline, 1960–1990: A review and appraisal. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 55, 527–542, 553–555CrossRefGoogle Scholar
(1984). The negative side of social interaction: Impact on psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 46, 1097–1108CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Rook, K. S., & Pietromonaco, P. (1987). Close relationships: Ties that heal or ties that bind? In W. H. Jones & D. Perlman (Eds.), Advances in personal relationships (vol. 1, pp. 1–35). Greenwich, CT: JAI Press
(1980). Commitment and satisfaction in romantic associations: A test of the investment model. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 16, 172–186CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, , & (1986). Determinants and consequences of exit, voice, loyalty, and neglect: Responses to dissatisfaction in adult romantic involvements. Human Relations, 39, 45–63CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, , & (1998). The investment model scale: Measuring commitment level, satisfaction level, quality of alternatives, and investment size. Personal Relationships, 5, 357–391CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, , , , & (1991). Accommodation processes in close relationships: Theory and preliminary empirical evidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60, 53–78CrossRefGoogle Scholar
, & (1983). Responses to dissatisfaction in romantic involvements: A multidimensional scaling analysis. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 19, 274–293CrossRefGoogle Scholar
(1992). Hostility and health: Current status of a psychosomatic hypothesis. Health Psychology, 11, 139–150CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
(1993). Good riddance to “the family”: A response to David Popenoe. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 55, 545–547CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Thoits, P. A. (1995). Stress, coping, and social support. Where are we? What is next? Journal of Health and Social Behavior (extra issue), 53–79CrossRef
Vangelisti, A. L., & Alexander, A. L. (in progress). Coping with unmet standards for romantic relationships. Unpublished manuscript
, & (1997). Gender differences in standards for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 4, 203–219CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Walster, E., Walster, E. W., & Berscheid, E. (1978). Equity: Theory and research. Boston: Allyn & Bacon
, & (1989). Stress and coping in maritally distressed and nondistressed couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 6, 327–344CrossRefGoogle Scholar
- 8
- Cited by