Adam's PhD topic was centred on the occupational choices of British serial murderers, with a particular focus on those who held predominantly driving-focused professions.

Introduction: Where to start?

In attempting to plan and ultimately write this chapter centred on the theme of imposter syndrome post-PhD, my thoughts repeatedly return to my recent attendance at the 2023 European Society of Criminology conference that took place in Florence, Italy. Yes, Florence is as beautiful and vibrant as we are told it is, full of culture, history and, most importantly, mouth-wateringly exquisite food. Looking back as I sit to write this chapter, I cherish the conversations and friendships I was fortunate to have and to build, and the memories that will not quickly fade, including me and a fellow colleagues asking locals if they could help us work out how the cigarette vending machines worked; visiting the local community swimming pool; eating gelato as we admired the beautiful architecture of the Baptistery of St. John and, of course, attending a variety of interesting panels.

On the face of it, this all sounds fantastic, and, indeed, I recognise the extremely lucky situation to be in when my employer funds me to attend such events. However, the lingering, sickening anticipation and dread of my panel talk are splintered deep within such memories – stuck between these moments of joy. I had arrived in Florence on a Tuesday, and unlike some of my more fortunate peers, my panel was not until Friday afternoon.

As a cultural sociologist and social historian, Charlotte's PhD research is centred around policewomen's experiences throughout the 1970s, the 1980s and 1990s.

Introduction

As the earlier chapters of this book have captured so far, all PhD experiences are unique. In my case, the recent cost-of-living crisis meant that I needed to secure full-time employment earlier than initially planned. In this chapter, I will reflect upon my experiences as a first-generation student navigating the barriers of Higher Education while working full time. I draw upon time management, creating a sustainable work-life balance, the importance of a strong support network and navigating imposter syndrome. I also offer insight into lessons learned for anybody who may find themselves in a similar situation.

At the time of writing this chapter, I have been working as a full-time lecturer for just over 12 months. After finishing my master's degree in Sociology and Social Justice at Staffordshire University in August 2020, I was awarded a partial scholarship. This meant that, in exchange for teaching and marking support, my tuition fees were paid for by the University.

Where my story begins

When I was offered a partial scholarship, I jumped at the opportunity. Although I had fallen in love with academia early on, I was uncertain about whether I would be able to pursue a career within it because of my ‘untraditional’ background. For the entirety of my schooling, I received Free School Meals (henceforth referred to as FSM).

Manikandan's PhD research topic is closely connected with international issues, specifically exploring the lived experiences of undocumented migrants in the West Midlands region.

Introduction

This chapter is all about my reflections and personal experiences while pursuing postgraduate study or a PhD in the UK. Currently, I am pursuing my PhD in criminology at Staffordshire University, a full-funded course offered by the University. My decision to embark on this academic path is driven by a quest for a more enriching research environment, one that transcends the limitations I have faced in my home country. There is a lot of debate on the Indian education system from both positive and negative sides. However, in my experience, criminology and criminal justice often lack emphasis on critical thinking and practical research skills, which compelled me to seek opportunities abroad. I was drawn towards the UK and its higher education system because of its research environment, innovation, critical thinking, and its long history of excellent education. It was not just about getting a degree but about joining a worldwide community of research scholars. In this chapter, I will reflect on my motivation, the challenges encountered, and the insights gained throughout the process of applying for postgraduate study in the UK from an Indian perspective.

Indian education and my experience

During my time in school, I never considered pursuing a PhD, and at that time, I did not even know what a PhD was. My experience with the Indian education system has been consistently challenging because I do not fit the ‘ideal’ student profile they arguably want.

Suzanne's PhD research focuses on women and the impact of online gambling. The theoretical framework adopted is that of the emerging Deviant Leisure perspective. Suzanne also looks at the marketing techniques used by the gambling industry, particularly TV advertising, and how they are directed specifically towards women.

Introduction

When I was in my mid-30s, and my twin boys were five years old, I started studying for a master's in criminology with a vague intention to move on to a PhD afterwards. I was new to the social sciences (my previous qualifications were in Philosophy and Law), but I found the sheer breadth of the discipline fascinating, with my optional modules including policing, white-collar crime, and leisure, consumerism and harm. This last module introduced me to the idea of gambling as a criminological topic, as two of my lecturers had recently written an article on the harms of lifestyle gambling as a male leisure activity. The article was excellent, but I felt that it wasn't reflective of my own personal experience as an occasional female gambler. On further investigation, it seemed that women's gambling was generally under-researched, and that was an opportunity that aligned with my own interests; so, the following year I started my PhD in criminology, focusing on the gambling industry and its impact on female gamblers. I studied part time, and for the duration of my studies (over six years), I was a lone parent, having divorced a few years previously.

Daniel's PhD in Sociology made use of ethnographic methods with crack cocaine users in South London over a period of 12 months. The PhD was undertaken part time over a period of five years as Daniel worked as a contract researcher in the London area.

Introduction: The status quo of academic life for the foreseeable future

So, you got your PhD well done. No small feat. You beat the odds; you defeated the isolation and inevitable lack of support on top of other personal stuff you may have had going on for you at the time. You probably took on exploitative teaching and admin responsibilities and buttered up senior academics in the process to get yourself into some temporary academic position. Well done. You bided your time, took on the extra favours like doing the seniors’ jobs at times, flattered them, and cited their publications. You came across as ‘the future’, someone ‘breaking through’ who had immense potential to … just continue this ridiculous cycle just to get noticed in academia.

In these early exploitative roles in which you could not stop saying ‘yes’ to more work, you were encouraged to do the leg work for aimless and almost inevitably flawed research proposals which were either destined to be rejected or change almost nothing in society. The research seemed to have a good moral and social purpose, but the funder rarely seemed to shortlist your team. You reasoned you were unlucky and spent months rejigging your proposal only to receive bad news once again.

Imagine the PhD as a literal journey across a vast landscape filled with mountains to climb, swamps to wade through, forests to explore, and seas to cross. Along the way, we would need to pause to catch our breath, assess our supplies, and plan the next phase of our adventure. This is our first rest stop on this journey, where we will take a moment to reflect on the key themes and challenges we have encountered.

Chapter 1, by Sarah Jones, provides valuable insights for those contemplating a PhD. Her narrative begins with a profound personal tragedy that shifted her life away from academia and led to years of grappling with grief and self-doubt. Sarah's return to education was driven by a desire to rebuild her life, and her story highlights the transformative power of learning and personal growth. Through the support of mentors and loved ones, she started to understand how to navigate imposter syndrome, which allowed her to recognise her potential. Sarah's journey illustrates that pursuing a PhD is deeply intertwined with personal challenges and identity. Her reflections emphasise the significance of self-belief, support systems, and the courage to reshape personal narratives, providing reassurance and a sense of support for anyone at the crossroads of deciding whether to embark on a PhD journey.

Chapter 2, by Alexander Black, offers a raw account of the competitive struggle to secure PhD funding. Alex's narrative sheds light on the personal and professional hurdles encountered in academia, including the fierce competition, the need for originality in research proposals, and the psychological toll of imposter syndrome.

Abigail's research focuses on Black women from African and Caribbean backgrounds who have histories of offending and explores their desistance pathways. Her objective is to uncover the diversity within these communities and emphasise the importance of considering this diversity when providing support to Black, African, and Caribbean women with offending histories. It is noted that grouping these women together could present challenges in their treatment within the criminal justice system and their successful reintegration into the community

Introduction

Completing this chapter is seemingly bittersweet because, for me, reflection is never an easy road to tread. It evokes the many years of feelings I have tried to suppress to get by – anger, hatred, disappointment, grief, and mental turmoil. Yet, simultaneously, I feel a sense of honour and gratitude whenever I share my experiences because it means more than just reflecting. It provides an affinity space for me and enables my story to reach the people – especially Black women who can relate to this journey of what I like to call ‘Mind Management’. More importantly, I am managing a multifaceted persona and balancing family life while ensuring I can fit in and be accepted in and outside university. I think, for context, I should start from the beginning, my childhood.

It started as a kid

Growing up was definitely a challenge for me, but a challenge I didn't recognise or understand until early adulthood. I say this because it is widely documented that within the Caribbean community, we tend to have a ‘Get on with it’ attitude and we are taught the mentality that ‘We should remain strong when confronted with adversities’ (Vance, 2019).

As we move forward on this grand expedition of the PhD journey, we find ourselves approaching the next pitstop – a crucial waypoint on our path. Picture this rest area not just as a chance to regroup but as an opportunity to delve deeper into the evolving terrain we have traversed. At this juncture, we will reflect on the rich landscape of experiences and insights from our recent chapters. It is a moment to pause and examine how the diverse elements of our journey interconnect, revealing patterns and pathways that might not have been visible at first glance. Just as a traveller examines their map and adjusts their route based on new discoveries, we, too, will assess the key themes that have shaped our expedition so far.

In Chapter 6, Rio Waldock took us on a deeply personal journey through the intertwined challenges of grief and academia. She began by recounting her initial struggles with education, reflecting on how her unexpected academic path – from failing GCSEs to pursuing a PhD – was shaped by her evolving sense of purpose and passion for justice. Rio shared the devastating loss of her father, an event that triggered an identity crisis and emotional turmoil. She described how grief affected her, manifesting in feelings of exhaustion, anger, and sadness. Despite these challenges, Rio emphasised how she gradually transformed her pain into a source of strength and motivation. By dedicating her PhD journey to her late father, she found renewed determination to continue his legacy of standing up for others. Ultimately, this chapter explored the profound impact of grief on one's identity and aspirations, something which transcends beyond the confines of academia and underscores the importance of self-care in navigating such a complex emotional landscape.

Mikahil's PhD research, undertaken at Birmingham City University, involved completing a nine-month ethnography of Birmingham mosques to understand the lived experiences of Muslim communities, identify threats, and the improvement of safety. This involved being immersed in and around mosques and speaking with worshippers, staff and volunteers.

Introduction

Completing a doctorate involves overcoming several inter-related trials and tribulations; however, little has been written about the experiences of starting the PhD, in this instance, the forming of a topic. This chapter will provide my experiences of conceptualising a PhD topic and reflect upon the various issues which affected my entry into academia. It is hoped that you will gain a detailed understanding of what should be considered when conceptualising a topic for a doctorate. This chapter will take you on the journey of how I was initially unsure of whether I should undertake a PhD to ultimately conceptualising my research topic, while referring to the challenges faced along the way. Although everyone's experiences will differ, it can be said that the process is not as straightforward as I was led to believe.

Context of the PhD

The PhD, regardless of the chosen discipline, upon completion, will consist of between 60,000– 80,000 words (excluding references and appendices), which can be compared to authoring a book. Upon realising the extensive word count of a doctoral thesis, I was in disbelief this qualification could be achieved due to the magnitude of the task.

Liam's PhD explores how young people in Birmingham are impacted by the cost of living crisis when considering the backdrop of a global risk society.

Introduction

As the global economy faces perpetual collapse with little signs of immediate revival, there is a mutual experience of precarity and risk within all realms of life, ranging from the institutional to the familial. This became rapidly clear to me as I embarked on my PhD journey at Birmingham City University (BCU) in 2021. I first came to BCU in 2017 to begin my undergraduate studies in criminology. My reasonings for studying criminology were not dissimilar from those of the students who I now teach. I wanted to learn more about society and why people committed crime. I wanted to make a difference. I originally wanted to join the police force or prison service upon the completion of my undergraduate studies. It was at this stage of attending university that I became exposed to unique theoretical approaches that awakened my critical consciousness, particularly Critical Criminological and Social Theory which have very much inspired my research interests. This influenced me to abandon my original plans, and excitedly, I decided to pursue a career in academia. Throughout my undergraduate journey, I made life-long friends and had many experiences that shaped who I am today. I also worked in the student union for a year as a sabbatical officer for student academic experience. During this time, I became inspired to develop a safety on-campus campaign in response to growing concerns of violence on and around campus.

Twenty years ago, in sunny Brighton, I found myself at a crossroads and seeking advice from the late, great Dr Sandra Winn, my undergraduate lecturer and an instrumental figure in my early academic journey. Sandra had not only taught me research methods but she recruited me into my first research post while at my graduation. When I asked her whether I should pursue a PhD, she reassured me with what I now realise was a deceptively simple truth: ‘It's just about being organised’.

Fast forward a few research posts and universities later, I embarked on my PhD, which was a discursive exploration of how men convicted of rape accounted for their offences. A light-hearted topic? Not quite! Looking back, Sandra's words gave me the confidence to start my PhD journey, as my superpower was in the writing of a good to-do list. But let's be honest, it turns out there's a bit more to it than being organised!

The PhD experience, while unique, is also profoundly universal in its challenges. As you will discover in this book, there are shared experiences which will resonate with anyone who has undertaken a PhD. Imposter syndrome (spoiler alert: it never fully goes away), loneliness, and persistent uncertainty are familiar companions. Explaining what you do to others who haven't been on the journey … whether it is your well-meaning granny who assumes you’re avoiding a ‘proper job’ or your mates down the pub who don't quite get what you are doing, only adds to the complexity.

But let us not dwell solely on the struggles! The PhD journey is also a time of immense growth. It creates a community, a huge sense of achievement, and, of course, an original contribution to knowledge.

Where to begin?

To begin this book, we would like to take a moment to explain how and why it was written. Unlike some of the previous books in which members of the editing team have been involved, there was no initial grand plan or design for this collection. As PhD students in the social sciences and, in the case of one of the editors, a PhD supervisor, we are taught to consider each of our research projects carefully, to meticulously design and plan our methodology, our theoretical framework and, of course, our impact. This can, of course, be seen in the multitude of ‘how to’ books and guides written for new and aspiring PhD students as they embark on their journey, along with those more seasoned and battle-hardened researchers who may need a source of inspiration as they face, for example, a methodological barrier here or ethical quandary there. For instance, there are texts such as Duleavy's (2003) Authoring a PhD: How to plan, draft, write & finish a doctoral thesis or dissertation, Hockey and Gupta's (2019) book, PhD 101. The manual to academic, and Harrison's (2010) How to write a PhD in less than three years. While we acknowledge the practical significance and utility of such books, it was over a coffee and a catch-up on campus one morning that we stumbled upon a discussion about there being little to no texts that discuss placing the student's experiences at the centre, a book that is less a guide written by someone far removed from their own experiences of undertaking a PhD and one in which the realities, obstacles and reflections by those in the ‘now’ are at the heart.

Lisa's PhD explores the impact of trauma on the lives of criminal justice-involved women who have used violence. Lisa is designing and applying a trauma-informed methodology to capture the experiences and biopsychosocial processes which provide context for understanding women who have used violence, the worlds they live in, the motivation behind their use of violence, and the interventions required to improve the quality of their lives.

Introduction

In the neoliberal university, which heavily markets itself on values of equality, diversity, and inclusion (EDI), mental health awareness campaigns are regularly flaunted throughout higher education (HE) institutions. Being seen to challenge mental health stigma with messages like ‘it's okay not to be okay’ is a popular business strategy. However, accepting poor mental health as ‘just the way it is’ prevents critical enquiry into the multiple, often socio-economic factors which generate and maintain suffering and inequality among some of the most disadvantaged sections of society. The chronic destitution endured by many with complex trauma is not ‘okay’, and within the backdrop of a culture which insists ‘mental health matters’, there appears to be little genuine enthusiasm within UK universities to acknowledge and actively tackle the structural part they play in sustaining this adversity.

This chapter, written in the third person, is a critical and personal reflection on the systemic and cultural barriers faced by a PhD student with complex trauma, in particular reference to the importance of building trust and safety in supervisory relationships.

Sarah's PhD focuses on the experiences of the adult family members of child and youth homicide offenders. The experiences of this ‘hidden population’ are explored to investigate the impact that these uniquely distressing events have on differing aspects of their lives. Her research also aims to critically analyse the diverse nature of concepts such as victimhood, indirect victimisation, and disenfranchised grief.

Introduction

My story begins 23 years ago. This may seem unusual as this section of the book focuses more on the beginnings or early stages of the PhD journey and the many choices that must be considered. However, I must take you back to my past for my present journey to make sense. This is, however, challenging, as reflecting on a time when my whole world came crashing down around me is something that I scarcely do. Whether that be a response to childhood trauma or a coping mechanism of grief, the recollection of adversity for anybody is overwhelming. My chapter discusses some sensitive topics and experiences, yet I hope that my story can offer others a sense of confidence in themselves, especially when considering taking on the daunting yet profound task of a PhD.

The moment that changed everything

At 13 years old, I was a quiet, inquisitive, clever young girl. I was in Year 8 at secondary school and didn't have many friends as I had started at a senior school that none of my friends from junior school had progressed to. When I heard that a week-long school summer trip to the South of France was being organised, I jumped at the chance, as I thought this would be a great opportunity to make new friends, experience new things and have fun.

Content warning: this chapter discusses sensitive topics.

Kyla's research explores the relationship between contemporary identity politics using ethnographic methodology using found poetry to disseminate her findings.

Introduction: A cold wet day in January

The person who tweeted this was a hollowed-out shell, circles that formed under their eyes were as dark as the clouds that had formed in their mind. They had just stood shivering on a cold train station gulping down tears and swallowing the intrusive thought that if they just stepped off the platform, it would all stop. The cacophony that had taken over their thoughts was a collection of screaming voices; ‘you’re too busy for us’, ‘Daddy says all you care about is your PhD’, ‘How many hours of teaching are you doing this semester?’, ‘You haven't filled in this form’, ‘You will be withdrawn’, ‘YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH, WHY CAN't YOU COPE? YOU’LL NEVER FINISH’ …

This person was me.

At this point, you are probably thinking about where this is going, or maybe you are shuffling about uncomfortably because this was also your experience, or just maybe it was so far removed from your own experience that the words you just read are as alien as reading an ancient text.