Previous chapters have looked at the residential environment. For anything worthwhile to happen there needs to be a catalyst. In this respect the relationship established between carers and cared for is fundamental; any programme is only as good as those who carry it through. To put it another way, there is a need to reframe the managerial zeitgeist of ‘what works’ to one of ‘who works’ (McNeill et al, 2005). Putting the personal at the heart of work with children introduces a range of boundary issues. This chapter addresses some of these, asking, essentially, how we can place the relationship at the centre of what we do while recognising and addressing the challenges this presents. I address some of the more sensitive issues that confront practitioners on an everyday basis – issues such as love, touch, sexuality and physical restraint. Ultimately, it is argued that ensuring healthy and productive relationships comes down to workers operating from an appropriate ethical base rather than merely adhering to sets of codes and procedures.

The personal–professional relationship

Perhaps the best-known line in the North American child and youth care literature is Uri Bronfenbrenner's assertion that ‘every child needs at least one adult who's crazy about them’ (1977, p 5). Research into what has helped young people who have made successful transitions from residential child care backs this up, indicating the importance of at least one adult who formed a special relationship with them (Jackson et al, 2005). Theories of resilience similarly foreground the importance of appropriate adult–child connections and inter-generational rolemodelling (Gilligan, 2005). The importance of relationships and the possibilities opened up by relational approaches to practice are particularly pronounced in residential child care, which is perhaps unique among professions in placing the personal qualities of adults at the forefront of the task. While it might be desirable for other professionals, teachers and doctors, for instance, to build relationships with those they teach or treat, ultimately teaching and treating are the primary tasks. In care settings, building appropriate relationships and using these to help children as they grow up is the primary endeavour. Care is what Phelan (2001b) calls a ‘self in action’ task. We need to consider how that ‘self ‘ can become a positive force in connection with other ‘selves’.