Despite all best efforts at compartmentalizing in order to survive the traumas we often experience as journalists, ultimately we cannot. Our common humanity transcends any attempts to embrace the false god objectivity. —Editor
That label that carried the word PRESS, I assumed, guaranteed my safety. But I was completely mistaken …
I loved to keep my press gear clean and shining after every round of escalation, preparing it for the next. I used to love wearing it despite the pain I felt as my body carried the heavy weight of it. I felt proud, and my kids felt proud seeing me in it too.
But since October 7, 2023, this reality and my entire life changed forever!
I remember that day vividly, and then the days, weeks, and months that followed. Every single day felt surreal, and I grasped to keep myself going.
It wasn’t the extreme exhaustion, the shock, the worry, and the constant threat to my life—all this was manageable.
What I couldn’t endure was the everyday danger that surrounded my precious ones: my husband and kids. I didn’t allow myself to even imagine the possibility of losing any of them, and I prayed I wouldn’t live to see it.
I reported about homes being targeted, neighborhoods completely wiped out, forced displacement of thousands of people. I reported about the beast of starvation slowly eating young and old, the thirst among everyone, and the challenges to get your battery charged, so you can have some light for your kids at night. I reported about widespread diseases and injuries most horrific among children.
Until I realized I was reporting about my own family’s suffering—about my own children, my own fears and hardships like any other mother around me!
But my kids weren’t as lucky as others, because I couldn’t be home with them during all this misery and despair. I wanted to scream many times: I am helpless for my children! I can’t keep them safe, full, or hydrated!
I couldn't keep them in my arms when those missiles fell around them!