Whorfian socioeconomics is an emerging interdisciplinary field of study that holds that linguistic structures explain differences in beliefs, values, and opinions across communities. This field, which draws on linguistic relativity but extends it radically, holds that linguistic features are a fundamental explanation for variation in human behavior. This essay provides a conceptual overview and methodological critique of Whorfian socioeconomics, with a particular emphasis on empirical studies that document a correlation between the presence or absence of a linguistic feature in a survey respondent's language and their responses to survey questions. Using the universe of linguistic features from the World atlas of language structures online and a wide array of responses from the World Values Survey, I show that such an approach produces highly statistically significant correlations in a majority of analyses, irrespective of the theoretical plausibility linking linguistic features to respondent beliefs and behavior. I show how two simple and well-understood statistical fixes can more accurately reflect uncertainty in these analyses, and use them to replicate two prominent findings in Whorfian socioeconomics. The essay concludes by reflecting on the common methodological challenges facing linguists and other social scientists interested in nonlinguistic effects of linguistic structures.