This article argues that Marcus Argentarius, the witty and obscene epigrammatist from the Garland of Philip, juxtaposes his brand of erotic, sympotic poetry with the learned astronomical poetry of Aratus in two poems that utilise imagery of the cosmos and constellations, Anth. Pal. 5.105/7 G–P and Anth. Pal. 9.270/26 G–P. I review the (recognised) obscene double entendres in Anth. Pal. 5.105/7 G–P, compare that poem to Philodemus’ own ‘dirty astronomy’ epigram (Anth. Pal. 11.318/28 G–P/31 Sider), and then suggest that Anth. Pal. 9.270/26 G–P also contains obscene double entendres, which equate Argentarius’ lyre-playing with masturbation, and masturbation with the writing of amusing, erotic epigrams.